


Absolution

by Illumini



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Angst, Blood and Injury, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Games, Mindfuck, Murder, Obsession, Oral Sex, Pain, Poor Life Choices, Rape/Non-con Elements, Regret, Sad Ending, Sex Addiction, Shinigami Eyes, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Twisted, Unrequited Love, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27049141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illumini/pseuds/Illumini
Summary: What if L did not die and instead Light is keeping him hostage inside a penthouse?L is shut out from the world and the longer he stays with Kira as his only distraction he soon starts questioning his feelings towards the other. Realizing that he had fallen in love with a murderer even before Light Yagami, he is torn between what is just and what is easy.
Relationships: Amane Misa/Yagami Light, Beyond Birthday/L, L/Near | Nate River, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 47
Kudos: 233





	1. Not dead yet

**Author's Note:**

> Revisiting old fandoms sometimes feels like speaking to an old friend after a very long time. You get reminded of all the good and bad memories you went through together and you feel this invisible connection you share, although you had been apart for years.  
> Well, yeah, writing a Death Note fan fiction after so many years feels just like that.  
> I always wanted to write a dark fanfiction, only I failed so many times, because I’m not good at hurting the characters. But I’m making an excuse this time and shit will go down in here! For real! Look at the tags and leave if you think this is not for you.

L couldn‘t remember when he had last slept this deep. Although his mind felt fully refreshed his eyes still refused to open and his body was comfortably cradled within a warm blanket.

He nearly gave into slumber once again, but suddenly memories flashed through his head. At first it felt like a dream from the past, something that kept on hunting him for a long time and then those hazy images turned into solid emotions.

Watari was dead and Kira had killed him!

With a start L threw away the blanket and sat upright inside the bed. It was dark and he needed a moment before he could make out any silhouettes around him.

He raked a hand through his unruly black hair. Wasn’t he supposed to be dead as well? Wasn’t it Kira, no Light Yagami, who had been holding him in his arms, with a victorious grin plastered over his face, while L had taken his last breath?

How was this possible?

Since he didn’t believe in any kind of afterlife, he was pretty convinced that he was indeed very much alive.

He didn’t feel particularly happy nor sad about the fact. He threw the cover away and stood up. He was still wearing his usual clothes a white shirt paired with blue baggy-jeans.

Judging by the smell coming from it, he must have been knocked out for several days. The room he was standing inside was a luxurious bedroom with a king-size bed, a soft carpet and modern interior. Slowly L trod through the darkness towards the curtains that were consuming the entire wall to the left of the bed.

His fingers clutched the fine material, but before he threw it to the side, he halted.

‘ _What if Kira locked me up in some kind of laboratory? What if there is nothing behind these curtains? Have I become Kira’s prisoner or did one of the kids prevent my death?_ ’

In one swift motion he drew the curtains to the side and was greeted with an impressive view.

To his feet was the skyline of Tokyo. He could see the Skytree in the distance and down on the streets the cars were moving in a slow rhythm back and forth like little ants.

Somehow this view was beautiful in it’s own way and L stood frozen to the spot for a very long time.

It hurt him beyond words that while Watari was dead, he was still alive. It didn’t seem fair. L had been right about Light, but he had not been able to make any good use of his knowledge. L had lost. The worlds greatest detective had been thrown from his high throne and had fallen to the ground.

But he had no time to grieve. Right now he desperately needed to find out in what kind of situation he was in.

However before he could do anything he had a need to take care of the most basic things. He turned around and realized that the room had two doors. Judging by the positioning of walls, he figured which door would lead him to the bathroom and he wasn’t wrong.

After he had switched the light on, he had to shield his eyes from the intensity at first. It felt like he was seeing the sun for the very first time. Slowly he was able to adjust and he saw that the bath was just as luxurious as the bedroom before.

At first L had thought that it might be a Hotel but based on the outside view, the height of the building and the assortment of beauty products, L was convinced that this was more a private penthouse of someone.

For now he did not want to bother about thinking who this someone could be. He simply stripped off his smelly clothes and stepped under the shower.

Normally he was not very fond of cleaning, but right now the steaming hot water that was running over his skin made him feel reborn.

When he stepped out of the shower cabinet again, he realized that on the board to the side had already been placed new clothes for him, the same pair of jeans and his signature white shirt. This was not uncommon, because his clothing size was easy enough to guess, however the underpants in exactly the right size were much more troublesome.

L was pretty sure that no one except Watari knew all his measures by heart.

Still, since L did not intend to leave the bathroom naked, he took the clothes and when his stomach angrily started to grumble, he started his hunt for food.

Soon L stood in front of the second door inside the bedroom and he was half convinced that it would be locked, however it easily swung open and revealed a very spacious living-room with an open kitchen at the far end. All outer walls were made from glass and L could not help but smile, given the view in front of him.

Of course L was used to live in luxurious hotel suits, but even if the room had the most breathtaking view on earth, he would always hide behind the curtains, therefore it was a nice change, when he could actually take a look at the outside world every now and then.

Without turning on the light, L walked to the refrigerator and opened the door. It was filled to the brim and in the centre stood a chocolate cake. Next to it leaned a note that read “For You”.

L’s dark eyes widened in shock and he slammed the door shut again.

He would recognize this handwriting among millions without a doubt. His heart inside his chest suddenly felt very heavy.

So in the end Kira had indeed won and he had taken L as a trophy. His first instinct was to not eat anything that the lunatic was offering him.

However since L had no idea how long he had been knocked out, he suddenly felt hunger kick in hard. He was craving this cake beyond compare and the rumbling inside his stomach was deafening.

Sure, if Kira had wanted to kill him for real, he would have been dead already, therefore the possibility of a poisoned cake was very low.

With a sigh he gave in to his cravings and opened the fridge once more and he pulled out the entire plate. He also looked into a few drawers until he found a fork. Afterwards he took the cake to the coffeetable in the middle of the room and he crouched on the sofa and shoved the first forkful of cake into his mouth.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t eaten for a very long time, or maybe there really was something off with the cake, but it tasted like heaven.

Greedily he took another bite and this time he closed his eyes to savour the flavour on his tongue. This cake was the best one he had ever had and this wouldsay something. Slowly the sugar kicked in and L could feel his body getting back to his old self. However before he took a third bite he stopped.

What if the cake was drugged?

It was not impossible that Kira would want him subdued and submissive, but on the other hand L was sure that Kira rather enjoyed their intellectual battles, therefore drugging him, would be rather counterproductive. Also L was sure that Kira only kept him alive, because it would bring some advantage with it.

L was his sworn enemy, therefore it was strange that Kira did not kill him, when he had had the chance.

While L kept on chewing the fluffy cake he thought that maybe Kira wanted him as his partner in crime. L was very good at finding criminals and Kira wanted nothing more than to bring those criminals to death.

Or maybe Kira wanted to find some kind of absolution in him. If L was the law and L would approve of Kira’s doing, he would truly become a god. What greater success could there be than to turn your enemies into friends.

L’s stomach churned at the thought, but the idea was not entirely impossible. This was a second chance for L as well. He had not lost yet. There was still a chance for him to finally convict Light of his crimes.

He tapped the fork against his lips, while his dark eyes looked at the buzzing city outside.

It was not over yet.

Still L was not quite sure how he should best approach Light, if he would ever meet him again.

Actually he felt very much like leaving some ugly bruise on his face, for killing Watari and maybe this was even what Kira would expect of him.

Then again, this would give away the feelings L had felt for the old man and maybe it would even lead to the kids. By all means L had to protect them! Whatever Kira wanted him to do, he would oblige, if it meant keeping the children safe.

Soon the cake was gone and L kept on tapping the fork against his lips. All in all his situation could have been worse he reckoned and leaned forwards to stand up again.

He stretched his arms, which made his shoulders crack loudly and then he walked back to the window. Carefully he placed one hand on the cold surface as if he was feeling glass for the first time.

“Watari, your sacrifice won’t be forgotten,” he promised to himself and rested his forehead against the window with closed eyes. Although he felt slightly worried about the situation he was in, he was quite composed.

He was ready for whatever the world would throw at him.

He turned around and finally he switched on the lights, which sadly immediately made the world outside disappear to his eyes.

Carefully he took in every single detail of the room. While it was well furnished it lacked any personal touch. It had the air of a hotel room, but then again it was missing any floor plans or evacuation signs.

Testing his luck, L approached the front door. Slowly he reached out for the doorknob and turned. He wasn’t too surprised when nothing happened. Anyways he gave it a second try, but the door still remained firmly locked.

L had foreseen this, but it still irked him to be cut off from his freedom. This was also the moment when he realized that except for the large TV in the middle of the room there wasn’t any other electronic device like a telephone or a computer.

Frowning L tapped his nose. Since Kira had become the favourite of every TV channel it was only natural that Kira wanted L to see his work broadcasted and praised throughout the world. Kira was right and L was wrong. Sooner or later it would be a truth L would have to accept or die.

Since he died already, he wasn’t too shocked by the prospect. Maybe Kira wasn’t aware of it yet, but L felt stronger than ever before.

Because the detective had not much else to do, he inspected the content of each drawer in the kitchen. He found several packages of his favourite tea and heart shaped lumps of sugar.

Feeling that he was indeed a little dehydrated, he started to boil water and prepared a large pot of tea, which he also filled with an unhealthy amount of sugar.

He crouched back on the couch and sipped his tea, when suddenly he heard the front door opening.

Without looking L knew with certainty that it was Light.

“L! You’re awake!”

L continued to slurp his tea and produced a loud noise while doing so. He knew it was childish, but that was exactly the reason why he loved doing it.

“We had you on a drip, but it seems you are fine now.”

Light’s voice sounded charming as always. For a second L had a mind to spit his tea on Light’s expensive suit, but he just continued to stare at his own reflection at the window.

“You killed Watari and now you hold me as a prisoner.”

L spoke without any trace of emotion. He stated a simple fact as if he said it was raining tomorrow.

Light sat down on the armchair next to L and sighed.

“It wasn’t me, it was Rem.”

L’s head turned and his expressionless black eyes rested on Light’s handsome face.

“Doesn’t matter. You are Kira either way.”

A broad smile spread over Light’s face and he leaned back on the chair as if a heavy burden had fallen from his chest.

“Yes I am. You were right from the beginning. Satisfied?”

“Not at all,” L put down the teacup and started chewing on his thumbnail, since it helped him to keep his cool.

“Why am I alive?” L asked out of the blue and his eyes did not look away from the man in front of him for one second.

Light leaned forward and smiled.

“Because I love you.”

L had expected a lot of answers, he even expected to not receive any answer at all, but this was something new.

He couldn't hold back, but burst out laughing.  There had not been may occasions, when L laughed this openly, but right now a terrible feeling of deja-vu struck him. It seem ed that he only attracted the most vicious and the most  ingenious human beings on this planet.  It was  like  a  curse he wasn’t able to shake o f f.

L  laughed about his bad luck and how he deserved all this, until tears started to run down his cheeks and he shook his black hair in denial.

Light didn’t seem too concerned by the reaction and patiently waited for L to recover.

“Sorry, Kira…,” L hiccuped and wiped the tears from his face.

“It’s Kira-sama, but you can call me Light-kun.”

The whole situation was too strange to actually be true.

“Whatever you say, Kira.”

Since Light was already used to L’s constant teasing he did not react and only continued to tell his own story.

“I told Rem exactly what she should write into the Death Note for Watari’s death. I made him fill your cup of coffee with a poison that would look like a heart attack and that would send you into a light coma. Everyone was convinced that you died and therefore Kira’s only nemesis died with the great detective L. No one is opposing me anymore.”

Light’s smile was victorious and  L was under the impression as if the other was waiting for him to  applaud.

L remained stoic as ever.

“And now?”

“You will live here, with me.”

“And Misamisa is ok with that?”

“She is ok with whatever her god decides.”

L  doubted that she w ould agree wholeheartedly , if anything she would try to strangle L in his sleep.

“What if I don’t agree?” L asked, while he was well aware that his opinion on this topic wasn’t relevant at all.

“You are in the Kira-Tower right now in the 70’s floor. Behind the front-door are two well trained and armed men, afterwards you would meet with guards on every floor. There are cameras everywhere and every person in here would gladly give his life in order to save mine. Also L, we know your name and your death is only one pen away from happening.”

“Is this a threat?”

“No, it’s just facts.”

L thought about it for a while. It wasn’t the first time he would share a bed or even a bathroom with Light. During the time he had both o f them chained together, they had been even more close than they were now. Also in general Light was not bad company, on the contrary, he was one of the few people on the planet he felt being on the same intellectual level.  If it wasn’t for the fact that Light was a lunatic mass murderer, they could have had a bright future ahead of them.

While L still wasn’t convinced that Kira had saved him only because of his personal feelings towards him, he still saw a chance to continue their game from before. There was a chance to bring  justice to the world. Real justice and not the forced one that Kira was aiming for.

L wondered if Kira expected him to resist and to throw a tantrum. L himself wasn’t sure how he felt about the situation, but he figured it was more true to himself if he just did not react at all.

“Inside this penthouse you can move freely. There will be someone checking in every day for cleaning and for the laundry. The person can also cook if you want them to. If anything is missing you can tell them or just tell me as soon as I am back from work.”

The detective didn’t acknowledge any of it and continued to chew on his finger, while staring and nothing in particular.

“If you try to kill yourself, I will know before you do. We know exactly when the day of your death will come, so don’t try to trick us.”

L nearly snorted. As if it was necessary to remind him.

“What about your shinigami? Will he live with us, too?”

“Don’t worry about him,” Light said flatly.

S ilence fell between the two men, until L turned his head back to Light. His eyes were large an innocent, when a thought hit him.

“Will we have sex?”

L had asked it on purpose to maybe throw the other a little off balance. However Light seemed to be well prepared for this conversation. His eyes sparkled predatory.

“Of course. I will have you crawling on all fours, begging me for more.”

Most people thought that L was inexperienced in these kind of things, since his social competence was below zero. However this was only because he had chosen to not waste time on any social etiquette. It wasn’t necessary for his work.

And it was clear that he would not go boasting about his sexual antics. It was better if people had the wrong impression, so that he could still use it as a weapon.

His experience was way beyond what people would normally define when they spoke about sex. L had a feeling that this might be something he could indeed use against Kira.

“I think you are mistaken. Because this will rather be the other way around. As far as I know, you never slept with a man, while I did.”

T his bit of information clearly had a not so small effect on Light. His eyes widened in shock and then they narrowed to small slits.

He jumped from the chair and pushed L into the sofa, his face became so close, that L could smell his aftershave.

“Who did you sleep with? Tell me the name!!”

Light was furious. If L wasn’t mistaken, this could be even called jealousy.

L gave Light a sly smile.

“He was a crazy lunatic just like you and as far as I know, you already wrote his name into the Death Note.”

This gave Light a pause. L could see the thoughts running through Light’s brain. Yes, L had dated a mass murderer before, so clearly he could do so again. The great L was able to bend the law over his own feelings.

A big smile spread over Light’s face and he let go of L again.

L knew exactly what Light was thinking, but he was badly mistaken. He had not loved that man. It was rather a fascination that in the end became a terribly harmful  obsession.  The detective wasn’t proud about that episode and he had kept it a secret that only Watari knew about, since he was the one who had been tending  to his wounds.

Light was in a very good mood, when he stood up again.

“I will go to bed now,” he announced and didn’t even wait for L’s reply.

‘ _Like hell I will follow you,_ ’ L thought and remained frozen to the spot. It seemed that Light wouldn’t yet force anything on him, therefore L had the whole night to himself, while trying to figure out a plan.

Because L had slept for the past few days and was also a neurotic insomniac he walked over to the fridge again and filled a plate with whatever sugary piece he could find.

Around 4 o’clock the sun started to rise and plunged the city into a golden light. This was better than watching TV. L smiled and chewed on a fruit gum.

However it was time for him to catch up on the most recent events, even if the only source of information was the highly biased television in front of him.

He switched through the channels and soon he had learned that the president of the United States had official declared Kira as the law and a lot of countries had followed his example. There was a TV show declaring that they were promoting the will of the only God Kira and after only 20 minutes L felt like throwing up  and he turned the TV off.

Very much to L’s chagrin there wasn’t anything else he could do within the spacious penthouse. He made a mental note about that he should be exercising as best as he could on a daily basis, to not get out of shape and maybe he could find pen and paper to keep his brain busy. Otherwise he would soon lose his mind. There wasn’t anything worse than dying of boredom.


	2. Thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for any kudos and comments!! People that comment are real heroes and reading comments makes me cry tears of happiness! So thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> Here’s an outlook about what to expect:  
> The whole story will probably be 14-15 chapters long, with each chapter between 2k -3k. Right now I'm writing chapter 9. I have an outline for what is going to happen and I even have an ending. So don't worry there is more to come and I try to update regularly.

Around six in the morning L heard the door to the bedroom opening and Light walked into the living room wearing a nightshirt and some loose pants.

L had seen this many times before, but it still sometimes amazed him that in the end Kira was not a god, but only a simple, narcissistic boy.

“Good morning L, I take it you didn’t sleep at all?”

The black haired man stuffed another fruit gum into his mouth, but then he realized it had been the last one and a slight frown appeared on his lips. Somehow Light must have spotted it, too.

“If you want anything specific, just tell me about it.”

Light started to busy himself making breakfast and soon he came over with a cup of coffee and handed L a notebook with a ball-pen.

“Just write down what you want.”

L snatched the paper out of Light’s hand and started scribbling, while Light kept on watching him with an amused look on his face.

Since Light gave him this opportunity, L wrote a ridiculously long list of things. He knew that Light would not give him a phone nor a computer, therefore he wrote a list of books he would like to read and he added several offline mind-games like chess.

After several minutes L handed Light the notebook back without a word.

Light’s smile became even more broad, but he only silently tore the paper off, folded it and slipped it into his trousers pockets. Sadly Light also removed the rest of the paper and the pen from L’s reach.

Half an hour later Light had left for “work” again and L was trying to find a way to kill some time. First he finally started to wander through the whole penthouse.

There was a laundry room, a fitness room, some kind of office, but only with a desk, then there was the bedroom with the bath and a walk-in closet, which L only discovered now.

Inside were mostly fine, tailor made suits, that Light would wear, but there was also a part only for L stuffed with the same pair of Jeans and several white shirts. In addition there were also some more formal clothes for L. If Light thought L was ever going to wear those, he was very much mistaken.

The whole exploration of his new home had taken him 20 minutes at best and now it was only 8:20 am.

Since there was not much else to do, L started to work out a little in the gym. The days he had spent in coma were taking their toll and he was soon completely out of breath. A little groggily he decided it was time to take a shower and switch clothes.

For the first time L realized that he was actually able to lock the door to the bathroom, which was a positive surprise. He didn’t fancy Light to just happen to come inside, while he was under the shower. The logic part of him however reminded him that for Light this was probably no hindrance at all, but for now it gave L indeed a little relieve while he stripped his clothes from his body. Somehow he hadn’t given this any thought during the first time he had used the shower.

While the water was running over his head he also mulled over the possibility of cameras being installed inside the bathroom. Considering it was Light he was dealing with, it wouldn’t be impossible, but since Light also used the bathroom, he might not want any records of his on private life.

Anyway L only did the most necessary things, but he then realized that he had not brought new clothes with him, before he had entered the bathroom.

He hoped that Light wouldn’t have returned just now and threw over one of the bathrobes, before he peeked into the bedroom.

Quickly he walked towards the wardrobe and within seconds he was dressed again and made a mental note about always bringing clothes with him before showering.

Afterwards he walked back to the kitchen and had some ice-cream.

Just when he felt his head would explode, because it had nothing to wrap itself around, there was suddenly a doorbell ringing through the hall.

Quickly L positioned himself near the front-door, since he was sure that it would be opened very soon and this was maybe one of his few chances to get a glimpse of the outside.

Seconds later the door indeed swung open and a man walked into the room with a friendly smile.

L however did not care much about the person. He only focused on the two men outside, who were indeed heavily armed as if they were about to go to war.

If Kira thought L was able to get past those, he really was mistaken. Too soon the door closed again and L was forced to switch his attention to the man in front of him.

“Hello Mister Ryuzaki. I am here by the order of our god Kira. I am terribly sorry, but I must ask you to accompany me to the bedroom. You will have to wait inside it, until I will tell you to come out again.”

The detective had half a mind to just knock the guy out, but he wasn’t sure how well Kira would take this. He might be expecting it, but L wasn’t keen on getting any form of punishment. Therefore he concluded that it would be best to just play along. Anyways waiting inside the bedroom did not sound too bad.

L nodded and slowly walked toward the other room. The mousy man held the door open for L and then closed it firmly behind him.

Although L knew that it was a little childish he still leaned his ear against the door in order to get an idea what was happening in the other room. However the door was very much soundproof and with a sigh L sat down on the bed and crossed his arms.

After what felt like an eternity the door was opened again and the man that hadn’t even introduced himself was making a gesture with his hand, inviting L to come back out again.

“We are finished here. We wish you a pleasant day.”

The strange man bowed curtly and then quickly walked to the front door as if he couldn't believe his luck that L had actually spared him.

Initially L had planned to follow the guy back to the door, but his attention had been elsewhere.

Opposite the large windows where only a naked wall had been, were now several rows of bookshelves, filled to the brim with books and games.

L felt as if his eyes would fall out of their sockets. A feeling from his past gripped his heart and a memory flashed before his eyes.

Wammy’s house.

There had been just as many books and L fondly thought back at the time, when he had spent months inside the library reading book after book. He would have starved to death if Watari wouldn’t have brought him food regularly. Still Watari had never stopped his thirst for knowledge and even encouraged him, by also installing a bed only for him inside the library.

Those had been happy times. Fondly L let his fingers travel over the spine of some books he had learned to love during his childhood. Of course Sherlock Holmes had been the ones he had soon known by heart, although he had figured the cases out much faster than the protagonist.

L stepped back again and wondered what had possessed Light when he had bought all this stuff only for him.

The gesture was kind of nice, L had to admit. This was certainly something no one had ever done for him, except Watari of course.

Still whatever nice presents Light was giving him, L was his prisoner and Light was a murderer beyond compare.

At least this would certainly keep L busy for a few weeks maybe. Until then things between him and Light might have improved and Light would maybe be open to permit him a little more freedom.

The detective then pulled out the chess game from the shelve and sat down on the floor and started to play a game with himself.

He was deep in thought when once again the doorbell rang and soon after someone came inside. Although L was reluctant to give up on his thought regarding his next game move, he also wanted to be alert.

When he saw the person entering, his heart nearly skipped a beat and his eyes became large.

There in front of him was Misa Amane with a very grim expression on her face. Quickly L stood up and walked over to her.

“Miss Amane, what are you doing here?”

It seemed like this was the one question she did not want to hear, because her complexion turned red and her eyes narrowed.

“I am the housekeeper,” she spat through clenched teeth, while glaring at L with open hatred.

‘ _Oh boy Light, what are you thinking….?_ ’

L felt sorry for the poor girl, but at the same time he also felt sorry for himself. Misa was a very unstable character that sometimes acted only based on her emotions without any logic.

L only hoped that Light had told her over and over again that he wanted L unspoiled and if she would harm him, he would never ever forgive her.

Misa dumped her expensive handbag onto the couch and then she stomped into the laundry room, where all the cleaning utensils were stored.

With some curiosity L watched her for a while, until he was sure that he was safe and then he resumed his chess game.

Of course Misa tried as best as she could, without making her action look suspicious, to torture L in any way possible. She took her time vacuum cleaning next to him and bumped against him about ten times, always apologizing lamely afterwards.

When she cleaned the windows she sang out of tune on purpose and soon L was this close to strangling her.

Of course Kira would certainly not approve, so L bit his tongue and tried to look as unfazed as he could during the whole process.

After what felt like an eternity Misa finally left and L sighed happily, finding himself relax in the quietness of the room.

If from now on every day was supposed to pass like this L was sure that he would have preferred Light would have rather killed him.

Just when L had finished the first round of chess against himself, which he had of course won, the door opened again and this time it was Light returning.

“L, how was your day?”

Light beamed at him like a husband that came back from a hard days work.

Still sitting on the floor in front of his chess game, L took one of the figures and tapped it against his lips, then he tilted his head towards the bookshelves.

“Thank you for that,” L nearly whispered. He felt terrible for thanking Kira for anything, but he supposed this was the fastest way to his freedom.

“No problem, I’m happy you like it.”

Light beamed at him, while he removed his jacket and loosened his tie.

Suddenly Light was sitting opposite of L on the floor and he started to arrange the figures for a second round.

“Mind if I play?”

The detective’s eyes started to gleam in happy anticipation.

‘ _Show me what you’ve got,_ ’ he thought and made his first move. Of course it ended in a draw and took about three hours way into the night.

For the first time in forever L felt that he was actually making use of all of his brains power and it felt good solving such complex tasks. He wasn’t at all surprised that he was not able to beat Light. It only showed how equal they were. It was a shame that Light was wasting his intellect on using the Death Note. But just as they say there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

Light yawned and stood up again, while helping L putting the chess game back into the package.

“I will go to bed now. Good night.”

L gave Light a curt nod and then walked over to the fridge again. He was very happy that Misa had filled it to the brim with new sweets, therefore he loaded as much as he could on a plate and stuffed everything into his mouth while enjoying the view of the nightsky.

Somehow he had forgotten to ask Light about Misa and he made a mental note to make good for it in the morning.

L wondered if he was actually doing the right thing at the moment or if he should actually show a bit more resistance. Still resistance was driven by emotions and therefore not the logic thing to do. Calmly waiting and evaluating his situation was logic. But in the end even L was only a human. He wasn’t an actor as Light was, he couldn’t show any emotion he wanted the other to see. He only could show a pokerface that gave away nothing. But even he felt fear or insecurity. Right now he feared for everyone at Wammy’s and he felt bad that he was having rather a good time, while Light might be torturing them for information.

Still throwing a tantrum would not be beneficial. On the other hand throwing himself blindly into Light’s arms would also not be the best move. Light was a predator. He didn’t like easy pray like Misa. He wanted a challenge and a challenge was what L could offer him. Only this would take a lot of time and effort on L’s side and he was a little afraid that he might lose himself along the way like he had with B.

Thinking about the other one made L shiver all over and unconsciously his hand reached out to touch the scars on his back.

When L thought about it, Light would probably skin him alive when he found out, that L’s body had markings of his former lover all over. Markings that would never disappear and that were a vivid reminder of what happened, when L would let emotions rule over his decisions. He had made some of his worst decisions during those times, that had ultimately shaped him into the man he had become right now. He could absolutely not tolerate murder.

L couldn’t hold back a yawn and only then did he realize that he had not slept for nearly two days straight. It wasn’t untypical at all, but right now he could really do with a little rest. However he did not want to join Light inside the bedroom and he also did not want Light to find him unconscious on the couch.

Therefore L occupied himself with a few wire puzzles that he solved over and over again until finally he heard Light enter the living room again.

“Good morning,” Light gave L another cheerful smile and walked over to him. L was in the middle of solving yet another brain teaser puzzle, when Light took it from his hands and after he had given it some thought he solved it within seconds and handed it back to L.

“Light-kun is very good at this,” L praised and of course it did not fail it’s effect. Light’s good mood became even better.

“I loved to play with those as a kid and I just remembered how to do it, like the pattern of a magic cube.”

L nodded and put the puzzle down on the coffee table. After giving Light’s ego a little boost, L felt confident to address one of the more important topics.

“About Miss Amane,” he started carefully, “she is a very annoying person and I would rather prefer her not being around.”

It had always been clear for L that Light had never loved Misa and was only using her as a tool. At the same time, Light had to keep her happiness at a certain level in order to stabilize her constant support, but L had no doubt that Light would dispose of her the moment she became a risk for his position.

Since L knew that Light in reality despised that girl, L was sure that the right approach would be to side with Light and play Misa down.

The brunet laughed, while he filled himself a cup with coffee.

“I’ll see what I can do about that.”

Therefore the topic was closed, L concluded and turned his head back to the window. He did not spare another glance at Light, who was buzzing in the kitchen. L only hoped that he would leave soon, so that he could finally fall headfirst into the bed.

Half an hour later L was finally alone again and he walked rather sluggishly towards the bedroom, while constantly yawning.

For a second L paused in front of the bed and wondered which side Light might have used. Since the bed was already spotless again, L just chose the side he had first awoken in.

Without bothering to remove his clothes he just fell into the soft mattress and closed his eyes in defeat.

But then he wrinkled his nose and furrowed his eyebrows. This smell!

“Ugh,” he complained and sat up again.

The pillow was completely drenched in Light’s perfume and L did not fancy to sleep surrounded by the smell of the other. Very much annoyed with the situation, he rolled onto the other side, however the situation there was the same.

“Damn Kira!”

L cursed and threw the pillow across the room. He was sure that Light had done this on purpose in order to make L get used to his smell and associate it with some kind of home and probably a feeling of security.

Muttering under his breath L turned his position upside down and rested his head on the mattress without a pillow.

Compared to sleeping on a chair, which he usually did, this was still much better, therefore it did not take him very long, before he had drifted into a deep sleep.

When L opened his eyes again, he saw through the still open curtains that it was already late in the evening. He must have slept more than ten hours. At least this way he didn’t have to think about any other way to kill time and maybe he even missed the time at which Misa would have shown up. Only when his stomach started to grumble L realized that he hadn’t eaten for quite some time, therefore he walked back into the living room and checked the content of the fridge.


	3. They will hunt you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not much happening here. L and Light are still only testing the waters.  
> From the planned 14 chapters, I have two chapters left to write, ahh, I'm so excited! !!
> 
> Thank you for the kudos!! Tell me what you think about this chapter ;D

L was sure that while he had slept, someone had been inside the penthouse, since some food inside the fridge had been restocked. He wondered if it had been Misa or another person. A cold shower run down his spine, when he imagined that someone might have watched him sleeping.

Debating with himself about what he should eat, L saw a bowl on the counter filled with red apples, which had certainly not been there before he had fallen asleep.

He reckoned it was a message that Light’s shinigami was watching him, too. As if L hadn’t enough audience already.

Angrily he grabbed a chocolate pudding and sat down on the sofa in his signature hunched over position.

After a while L heard the door and immediately he had a feeling of bad foreboding.

“Hello L,” Light greeted him from behind and after he had removed his jacket, the tie and opened the upper bottom of his spotless white shirt, Light sat down next to L on the armchair.

“What do you know about Wammy’s house?” Light asked directly.

L had already seen this coming and thought about the best course of action. Certainly Light already knew everything about Wammy’s, lying was probably not the best idea, therefore L thought it would be more profitable to tell the truth.

Since the children at Wammy’s most likely already knew about L’s death, he was convinced that they had taken all necessary precautions and scattered all over the world. His kids were smarter than Kira!

With his eyes lacking any deeper emotions, L turned towards Light and answered the obvious.

“It’s an orphanage that was founded by Quillish Wammy. The man you knew under the name Watari.”

Light nodded, seemingly pleased to hear the facts confirmed by L himself.

For a very long time L had thought about his next move, but he was sure that it was better to focus the attention on himself rather on all the other kids from Wammy’s.

“I was raised at Wammy’s, too.”

Now this seemed to be news even to Light and his beautiful eyebrows shot up, while he tilted his head. Obviously he had not expected L to be this open about his past.

“Then Watari must have been like a father to you,” Light stated and L felt bile rise up his throat. Still the detective’s eyes remained two black orbs, not showing any of the turmoil he felt inside his chest.

“I never had a father, so you tell me,” L countered, but before Light could reply L continued.

“He was more like a mentor. He saw my potential and trained me. He first found me in an abandoned building in London. I was very small and shared the building with several other homeless kids.”

L made a pause for a more dramatic effect, Light was listening intently to his every word.

“We had no home and mostly ate the scraps of food other people threw on the street or into the trash. When Watari appeared he promised us a warm meal, if we were able to answer a riddle.

He asked each of the kids, but none of them knew the answer. When it was my turn I was sure that I was able to solve it, therefore I asked him to change the terms. Instead of one meal I wanted him to give me a home. Watari only laughed and took my hand. He never asked me for the answer to his riddle, he just took me with him.”

“What happened to the other kids?” Light asked and L smiled to himself.

‘ _Of course Watari took them with him, too. He is not a heartless person like you are!_ ’ L thought, but because he did not want Light to know what a lovable person Watari had been, L slightly bend the truth.

“He left them there. Wammy’s is only a place for gifted children.”

This seemed to strike a nerve.

“He left little children on the street to die?”

L only shrugged.

“Everyone must die eventually. Something you should know best.”

Light snorted and leaned forward again.

“So a home for gifted children. A factory producing endless supplies of the worlds greatest detective?”

‘ _Right Light, you understand where this is going. It doesn’t matter that I am dead to the world, because my successors are already trying to hunt you down and they will!_ ’

L found the thought very comforting and he felt giddy about the fact that he was the one rubbing this fact into Kira’s face.

“I’m not sure. There have also been artist, musicians, authors. Actually during my time I was the only one that liked the more gory things.”

It seemed that Light could easily imagine how L must have annoyed all the other children surrounding him at the orphanage.

However suddenly Light’s face became more serious, with a softer note.

“That explains your strange choice of food. Since as a child you could not afford any sweets, it’s what you now crave the most.”

L felt somehow irritated by Light’s change of topic, but he only tapped his finger against his lips and looked at the ceiling as if he was considering this.

“Light-kun might be right about this.”

Light then got up from the chair and patted L’s shoulder with his hand.

“Don’t worry, I will always provide enough sweets for you. If something is missing, just tell me.”

The way Light was saying it, it sounded a lot like the way he would be talking to Misa and it irked L.

“You don’t have to pamper me like that, I’m not Misa,” L said and for the first time there was annoyance swinging in his voice. Light chuckled lightly.

“No, of course you are not.”

In this very moment L realized that Light’s hand was still resting on his shoulder and it was now very slowly making his way up his neck. The soft contact of Light’s fingertips on L’s skin was sending electric shocks down his spine and he really wanted to slap the hand away, however he endured it.

Finally Light’s hand settled on L’s cheek and Light’s amber eyes were resting on the other’s face, as if though was seeing it for the first time.

As if things were not bad enough already Light started to lean closer towards L.

L mentally prepared himself for the impact and he was still debating if he should just kick Light or not react to it at all. The most fun would be kicking, but the logic part of L told him to just get over with it.

Only seconds before their lips would have met, Light stopped. His lips were so close, that L could feel the heat on his own lips.

“No,” Light whispered, with his eyes closed, “it’s too soon.”

He leaned back and let go of L, who remained sitting on the couch as if nothing had happened at all. He wasn’t flustered, he wasn’t afraid. What Light didn’t know about L, was that in fact he was very good at playing this kind of game. Beyond had made sure of ruining him for everyone else.

In comparison Kira was tame and had a sense of decency, which Beyond had very much lacked in. But this had been exactly what had attracted L’s attention in the first place. Someone he could not decipher, no matter how hard he tried. L had been like a moth, flying towards the sun and he had been burned so bad, it had emotionally crippled him for a lifetime.

“I will go to bed now, good night L,” Light announced and was just about to walk away, when L suddenly turned around.

“What happened to the shinigami Rem?”

Actually L had no idea why he was asking about Rem in this very moment, maybe he just wanted to talk to someone for a little while longer or maybe he had to distract himself from the thoughts about Beyond.

Light turned around with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Rem is dead. She sacrificed herself in order to save Misa when she wrote Watari’s name into the Death Note.”

“Then what is the name of the shinigami eating those apples?”

L pointed into the direction of the bowl, which content had already become reduced by two.

It seemed that Light felt highly amused by this question and also L noted that Light was looking at someone else in the room, obviously listening to this person or thing.

“His name is Ryuk. Maybe you will meet him one day.”

Hoping against hope to be able to see the shinigami L looked into the direction Light was looking at, but there was nothing to see.

“Good night,” Light waved at L and maybe also at Ryuk and turned to go.

This time L didn’t stop him, he continued to look at the thin air as if he could will the shinigami to appear in front of him.

L only hoped that a shinigami wasn’t able to read minds. After some time L stood up from the couch and walked over the bookshelves. His eyes roamed over the titles and soon he picked out one of his favourite novels.

This would last him through the entire night and maybe even some part of the morning, if he didn’t read at his usual speed. Maybe if he read every sentence twice, it would take even longer.

“Pathetic,” L chided himself that he had nothing better to do than to read a book just to kill time.

He made himself comfortable on the sofa and opened the book. Somewhere around two in the morning L closed the book and checked the title. He opened the book again and flipped through the pages. Something was off.

He skipped a few chapter and continued right where his favourite part would start. Of course it was the one where the clever detective would convict the criminal of murder and hand him over to the police. Only this was not what was going to happen in the book he was reading right now.

The detective and the murderer simply joined forces and together they cleaned the world off of every criminal and made it a better place.

L was hardly able to wrap his head around this treason. With a start he rose to his feet and jumped back to the shelve. He picked out the next book and skipped to the last pages.

The end was altered again and L threw the book onto the ground. He was doing this the whole night until the floor was scattered with altered books.

L was fuming with rage!

‘ _How dare he!!_ ’

He cursed over and over again and run in circles through the living room while he tried to find a logic way to deal with the situation. However his pride and the love towards the original works of each author simply forbid him to accept this modifications.

It seemed Light wanted to brainwash him into believing that a detective and a murderer could become partners in crime or better even become lovers!

‘ _Pathetic!_ ’ L kicked another book through the room. In the end he decided to sit down on the couch again and simply sulk through the rest of the night.

Never in his life would he ever touch one of those books again. Let Misa clean up the mess or just let them remain on the floor where they belonged. He could not care less. Even if he would die of boredom, it was not worth reading this trash!

L chided himself that back when he had seen the bookshelves he had actually felt grateful towards Light, how horribly wrong he had been!

‘ _Light was Kira, Kira was Light, and therefore his sworn enemy for the rest of his miserable life,_ ’ L chanted to himself over and over again until dawn had come and the door to the bedroom opened again.

The first thing that brought L back into reality was Light toppling over, while he was laughing like a little child.

Never before had L seen the other lose his countenance like this. It was quite a hilarious sight, if only the cause wasn’t on L’s expense.

“L, hahah, didn’t you like my version of the books? I had them made specifically for you.”

Meanwhile Light was sitting on the floor holding his stomach, while slowly recovering from his outburst.

‘ _Ha, ha, very funny Kira,_ ’ L thought and stood up. Slowly he walked over to Light and crouched down in front of him.

He held one book up between two fingers as if he was holding an insect that would bite him at any second.

“I think they are rather tasteless and an insult to the authors.”

Actually L felt very much reminded of his own childish side and maybe he would even have done the same if he perceived it as beneficial to any of his cases.

“But L, I am sure you know all the others already by heart. Therefore I thought a little change wouldn’t hurt.”

When it came to books L took it a little personal and for once he wasn’t able to hold back his emotions.

“They were perfect in the imperfect way they were. Why do you always try to improve something that doesn’t need any form of improvement? Sometimes even a broken thing can be beautiful!”

“You mean like you?” Lights voice had become serious and L definitely didn’t like the way he was looking at him.

Suddenly L realized that he had gone too far, that he had shown Light some of his real emotions and that it was already too late to back-paddle.

“I am just as broken as you are,” L stated firmly and stood up again, his face back to normal and he was just about to turn around, when out of the blue a pair of arms was sliding around his chest and pulled him back against Light’s body.

“But sometimes when two broken things get combined, they will create something new and unexpectedly wonderful.”

Light’s voice was a little husky, when he whispered right into L’s ear. He could feel Light’s breath tickling against his skin and it made his hairs stand up.

When L laughed his voice was hallow.

“No, broken will always remain broken.”

The grip around L’s waist tightened, but the detective remained as limp as a doll.

“Maybe I can show you how wrong you are.”

The brunet’s voice was full off hidden promises and L was sure that this was working wonders with Misa, however he felt rather unimpressed.

“Light-kun, can I have my books back?”

L could feel the annoyance that came radiating from the man behind him, when he finally let go of L.

“No you can’t. You should be happy that I provided you with something to do, against my better judgement, but maybe I was wrong.”

Clearly Light meant it as a threat. Don’t defy your master or I will take away your toys. L shook his head, but only to himself.

Of course Light would start playing power games sooner or later. Everything was about power and being in control over the other. However if he thought he would ever find L begging him for anything, he was mistaken. He would rather bite of his tongue.

If Light took away the books, that L wouldn’t read anyways, he could still meditate the whole damn day. He would survive only to one day see Kira falling. Until then he would remain patient and clever, always a step ahead of the other.

“Take them away, I won’t read them anyways,” L shrugged and kicked another book, that made it slide over the floor.

Light didn’t reply to this. As usual he made himself some coffee and afterwards he got into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When Light came back L was sitting on one of the barstools that were standing by the kitchen and he followed Light’s every move with his black orbs.

Light seemed to notice and stopped in his track to look at the detective.

“I wish you a pleasant day at work,” L offered monotonously. Of course he had meant it as a joke, however Light only heard what he wanted to hear and he left the flat with a victorious smile plastered over his face.


	4. Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished the story and there will be 14 chapters in total! Woop, woop!  
> I hope you like it so far, but of course the overall atmosphere will get gradually darker.   
> Anyways I will add trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter for the more heavier stuff, but I hope everyone reading already knows what they signed up for ;)
> 
> Tbh at first I had not meant to include Beyond into the story, but somehow I wanted to give L a bit more backstory and it felt like the right thing to do. Or maybe it's just me :D.
> 
> Btw, most of the time I listened to the GoT OST Season 6 while writing. 
> 
> Once again thank you for any kudo/comment!!!

The whole morning L spent inside the gym training on a treadmill and because of the high amount of sleep and food he had consumed, he had already made some good progress back to his old abilities.

After a shower and new clothes he went back into the living room only to find it spotless again and Misa Amane was just about to put back the last of the books into the shelve.

When she saw L her face turned into an ugly grimace, however she quickly averted her gaze and silently continued her cleaning.

L tilted his head and put his thumb against his lips. It seemed that Light had indeed already spoken to her. Although it looked like she was extremely unhappy about her situation, yet she put up with it without another word. Her determination was enviable however her devotion was pointed towards the wrong person. If only she would realize that Light was only using her, L could have a very strong ally in her.

Slowly L shook his head. It was too late for Miss Amane. She had long passed the point of no return and even if she was unhappy with her life, this was the life she had brought upon herself by sacrificing a lot of people along the way, even a god of death.

L sat on the armchair while he watched Misa filling the fridge with some new groceries. Afterwards she angrily grabbed her handbag and stormed out of the room.

Maybe L should have felt pity for her, however she was the main reason for Watari’s death, therefore he thought that it was only fair, that she would suffer now.

The rest of the day passed without further visitors and only when the sky turned dark and the city below started being illuminated by a million lights, L became a little restless, because he somehow already anticipated Light’s return. He hated himself for the fact that he wasn’t immune to simple conditioning, but he hid it well while he sipped a freshly brewed Early Grey.

Only a moment later Light indeed stepped into the room and greeted L cheerfully.

“Hello L, how was your day?”

As usual L ignored the other and continued drinking. They had become a well-practised team in this, but what Light didn’t know yet was that L had decided to go for a new approach.

“Sorry I am a little late. Mogi didn’t stop talking. You know how he is,” Light started to babble, without looking at L.

“I think I will go to bed early today. Good night L.”

Light was already on his way to the bedroom, when he felt that a shadow was following him.

He turned around and nearly bumped into L, who had been right behind him.

“L! What’s the matter?” Light inquired with furrowed brows.

“Nothing, I’m also going to bed,” L said it with his most innocent voice and it had exactly the effect he had hoped for.

Light was indeed thrown off guard. For a second his well trained face showed a hint of insecurity and L used the momentum to add fuel to the flames.

“We shared a bed before when we had been chained together. I’m not going to strangle you in your sleep.”

“Sure,” Light nodded with a stiff smile and walked on.

After all attack was the best defence and L was very pleased with the result. For a moment he was sure that Light did not want him inside the bedroom.

L had never been inside it together with Light before, since he had become a prisoner in here, therefore there was a small possibility that Light might even be using a hidden door in order to sneak outside at night. It was best to keep him under surveillance during the time L shared with the other.

Before an awkward silence would fall over them L once again took the lead.

“Do you want to use the bathroom first or shall I?”

“I’ll go first,” Light nodded and if L wasn’t mistaken his step was a little out of rhythm.

‘ _Are you already fleeing from me?_ ’ L wondered and sat down cross-legged on the bed.

A short while afterwards Light opened the door again and was wearing a grey nightshirt and some boxers. In his hands he was holding his jacket and tie, which he neatly replaced into the wardrobe.

Meanwhile L also got ready for the night, although he had no intention whatsoever to sleep.

He knew that Light was not good at all-nighters. It wasn’t only because he wasn’t able to stay awake, but it was more his ego that forbid him to, because a lack of sleep would have a severe impact on his good looks and his physical capability.

L on the other hand didn’t care about his appearance, nor did he worry about his body’s condition. He was well used to being an insomniac and Light knew this as well as he did.

When L came back into the bedroom Light was already sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard and writing something on his phone.

L walked over to the other side and in a very carefree manner he stripped off his jeans. Of course he caught Light staring, and it made him grin inwardly. L’s white shirt however had to stay on.

He would prolong this event for as long as possible. Even during the time that he had been chained together with Light he had made sure to leave them both their privacy when they had to shower or use the toilet. Therefore none of them had seen the other one naked.

Which was of course not entirely true, because L had seen Light undress several times, when he had the cameras installed inside the Yagami’s house.

L flopped himself onto the soft mattress and pulled the blanket over himself as if he was a maki-sushi.

The way he was now staring at Light from under the blanket would probably freak any other person out, however since Light was already used to his quirks he didn’t even spare him a glance.

Light put away the phone and afterwards switched of the light.

“I suppose you plan on watching me all night, so I hope I won’t disappoint,” Light stated and turned his back towards L.

“Good Night Light-kun,” L said and his unblinking eyes started to burn holes into Light’s back. If it made the other uncomfortable, the better.

At first it was obvious that Light tried very hard not to fall asleep, while acting as if he was asleep for real. However even a child would have been able to figure this out. L would have laughed but he remained a silent observer.

After probably 1 ½ hours Light was fast asleep and since he wasn’t able anymore to will his body to remain unmoving, he had turned towards L automatically. Which gave L the chance to observe Light from up close.

He would be lying if he wouldn’t admit that Light was indeed a very handsome man, while sleeping he even had something angelic.

‘ _If only his soul wasn’t this rotten…,_ ’ L thought with a deep sense of regret.

The silence of the room, where the only sound was the soft and rhythmic breathing of the man next to him had something very soothing to it.

Once again L realized that his nose was bathed in Light’s perfume, but there was something else this time in addition. He inhaled deeply and detected a little shocked, that it was actually Light’s scent and not anything artificial.

With some curiosity he shifted his position in order to get a little closer and then he took another deep breath and closed his eyes so that he could store the information inside his brain for eternity.

B had smelled much differently. Mostly of either sweat or blood and on even more occasions of other peoples blood. Sometimes it had been hard to endure.

But Light...smelled very pleasant. It reminded L of some freshly baked cookies, only less sweet.

The minutes ticked by and soon the warmth of his blanket started to weigh heavy on his eyelids. If he wanted to stay awake, he could do so, however L threw caution to the wind and succumbed the temptation of a nights rest.

In the morning L awoke slowly from a deep sleep and the first thing he realized was that something heavy was on his back and hip. Still a little dazed he felt for the thing around his waist and made contact with a hand.

His eyes flew open and he nearly jumped out of the bed, however he managed to suppress his flight-instinct last minute.

It was Light who was sleeping while holding L cradled in his arms. This must have happened somewhere during the night and maybe even subconsciously, L reckoned. Maybe Light was used to it during the nights, that he had spend with Misa.

L willed his pulse down and closed his eyes. The man behind him was still fast asleep and L didn’t want to wake him.

A sigh escaped L’s lips, while he felt Light’s warmth radiating through the fabric of his shirt.

L remembered very clearly all the nights he had held B inside his arms. It had seemed the only way of taming the beast, at least for a few hours. Beyond had never held him at night like this. Truth be told, L had not dared falling asleep next to B. There was always a high probability that otherwise there would not be a next morning for L.

Because of this L very rationally analysed how it felt to be held like this. He had to admit that it felt good and bad at the same time.

On the one hand L felt even more caged. Light’s strong arm that was holding him around the waist weight heavy on his body, like a lock that L could never dare to break.

Then again the gesture also had something protective to it as if Light wanted to shield L from all the evil inside this world.

Only that Light himself was the worst thing that had ever happened to this world. Still L couldn’t help but feel safe, if only for the shortest period of time. A sleeping dog would not bite, he told himself and closed his eyes again.

After a while the man behind him started to stir. The arm around L’s waist began to move up and down, as if he meant to stroke L affectionately.

L was positive that this gesture was rather meant for Miss Amane, but he endured it if only to be able to see Light’s shocked face, the moment he would realize his mistake.

Suddenly Light’s hand froze, when made contact with L’s crotch.

Only three seconds ticked by before Light had jumped from the bed in one swift motion and was holding up his hand as if he had burned it, while his face had the most lovely blush spread over his cheeks.

“Not what you were looking for?” L teased the other and sat up.

Light’s eyes became slits and he seemed to try to hide his embarrassment behind anger. His hand shot down to his side and he rounded the bed with nearly inhuman speed.

He pushed L onto the mattress and sat on top of him, while he pinned both arms to the side.

“Don’t push your luck too far,” he hissed and squeezed L’s wrists with as much force as he could.

Light probably meant to intimidate L, but he was far from doing so. L was used to threats and he was used to pain.

He stared blankly back at Light and waited for the other to cool down. It didn’t take much longer, before Light’s touch became softer and his head leaned down next to L’s head.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

This made L laugh out loud.

“You nearly broke both my wrists and actually you would rather have me dead. But no, obviously your only concern is my well-being.”

Usually L would not snap like this. Any kind of emotional outburst was not his style, but it was the most effective way to manipulate Light. He had a protective instinct, that had probably lead to him becoming Kira and if L was catering to this side of Light, he might be able to struck a nerve.

Light shifted his weight back again and carefully inspected L’s arms. There was indeed on both sides a red imprint of his hands.

Of course he was too proud for an apology. Light raked a hand through his hair. It was one of the rare occasions where Light was not able to easily deliver a well rehearsed, most socially accepted reply.

“I will send someone to take care of this,” Light said and stood up, leaving L lying on the bed.

After Light had left L finally stood up and tried to get ready for another boring day inside the penthouse. By now his wrists had become nearly purple and swollen. It was a rather unsightly and it hurt more than L would admit.

To comfort himself he had some ice-cream for breakfast and he used the container to cool his wrists.

While he stuffed spoon after spoon of the sweet cream into his mouth his eyes looked at the world outside and he once again thought about his time with Beyond.


	5. Meeting B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!  
> This one is a trip into L's past.  
> I hope it's ok to pause the main-plot for now, next chapter will be about L and Light again. But I hope you will also enjoy learning about L and Beyond.  
> Usually I always felt adding Beyond was too much spice for one story, but since this happened way before Light I actually think it's working quite well. 
> 
> Thank you for posting your thoughts and any kudos!!!

Back when L had only just become the world’s greatest detective after solving a few complicated cases here and there, Watari had already started educating potential successors.

L had never understood why there was a need, since he was still very young and had most of his life ahead of him, however Watari seemed to think that L’s lifetime was rather limited, considering his very unusual job.

This was as flattering as it was worrisome.

One day however, when L had been working on a case in Germany, he suddenly received an urgent mail from Wammy’s.

At the beginning L had always travelled alone, while Watari was living with the kids inside the orphanage. As exciting as those times had been, L had also often felt very lonely.

Therefore he was always looking forward to hear something from Watari, even if it might only have been a new case he was suggesting for him.

And this time had not been different. Watari had written an E-Mail that was quite unusual from the way he would usually approach L.

He said that there had been an incident at Wammy’s and that one child went missing. He asked L if he could go looking for him, because Watari was very worried for his safety.

When L had read these lines, he was rather confused. Watari had enough money and influence to send the whole of Scotland Yard to go and search for the boy, why would he ask such a trivial thing from L to do?

Also what was this “incident” Watari was talking about? L had half a mind to go and call Watari, but then he realized that there were even more things not matching up.

At first glance the mail had looked as if coming from Watari, but after some more insight, L realized that the true sender was “beyond.birthday[at]wammyshouse.com”.

Things were indeed rather curious and whatever it was, L needed to know more, so he wrote a reply to the sender.

_[Who are you?]_

It didn’t take much longer and L had received a reply.

_[I am the oner after A.]_

L tilted his head and stuffed licorice into his mouth, before he started typing once more.

_[Then you are B. What happened at Wammy’s?]_

Watari had once mentioned something about two kids, he had referred to as A and B that were most promising in becoming the next L’s. Only L had never met them before nor did he know anything else about them. However the fact that B knew about Wammy’s, about Watari’s and L’s private E-Mail address was already speaking volumes.

_[You want to know the truth? Then solve the following case...]_

In the attachment L found several newspaper articles about some mysterious murder in England. L had never heard of those before, probably because the police had not esteemed it as difficult enough in order to hand it over to L. They seemed rather unconnected and at first glance could have been some kind of family drama. All the victims had been stabbed to death. The locations were also scattered over the whole UK and there had been neither a murder weapon nor a motive.

“Interesting,” L tapped his lips and hunched over his laptop. Actually he had been in the middle of giving a briefing to the local special police force, however he cancelled it last minute and put all his brainpower towards the new case that had just so presented itself to him.

In retrospective L should have immediately contacted Watari and asked for more details, however back then it had felt like cheating to L.

If B was really supposed to become the next L, then L who was his senior, should have no problems at all to solve the riddle that B had forwarded to him. It was rather a question of honour and not losing his face as the worlds greatest detective.

When L was just about to access some police files in order to get a little more information, there was immediately a warning popping up on his screen.

_[No cheating!]_

L nearly fell from his chair. He wondered how on earth this little brat could have done it, but soon realized his own mistake. The attachments had probably also had a virus, that had given the other one access to L’s laptop. With a slight frown, he shut the laptop down, threw it into the trash and took the next one.

That a laptop got infected by some kind of spyware or Trojan was nothing out of the ordinary. It was also not hard to reverse, only L lacked the patience for it and preferred to start all over.

This time he was a little more cautious and first started to access some secret files at Wammy’s only he and Watari knew about.

Usually L would not go and look into those files, but in order to understand B, he had to know a little more about the kid.

Therefore he opened the document where Watari was keeping record of the progress of every child at Wammy’s.

Before L clicked on the file labelled “B”, he started with the file about “A”.

At first everything sounded more than promising. ‘A’ was making a lot of progress, even faster than L had been back then. Also it seemed that A was very close with B, who was also a little genius in his own way.

L skipped through the entries and they became more and more worrisome.

‘A’ had started to loose weight. ‘A’ didn’t participate in classes anymore. ‘A’ had vanished from Wammy’s and was found in the woods.

‘A’ had committed suicide.

Although L had never met A, this came as quite the shock. How could things have come this far? The training at Wammy’s was hard, but only if one wanted it to be. Watari was not the type of person that would force a child into doing something against their will. He had always told him over and over again that L should only do, what he felt would be fun.

Either A must have been a very unstable character with a tragic past or maybe it had not been suicide at all.

L mused about this for a while, before he finally opened the file about B.

The things he read in there were not less troublesome.

B was a bright kid, with a split personality. He enjoyed fencing and every other form of training with sharp weapons. B also liked to give tasks to the other kids, but if they were not able to solve them, he would punish or even torture them. Soon nobody ever dared to go near him, except for A.

It seemed he had an anger problem and was hyperactive.

Being a genius came obviously always with a price.

After all the new input L was quite certain he knew what had happened. The incident B had mentioned was the suicide of A. According to Watari’s diary B had vanished from Wammy’s shortly afterwards and he was not able to contact him.

So it seemed that B actually wanted to be found, but not by anyone, only by L. Maybe this E-Mail was some kind of call for help?

There was no entry about B’s age, but L imagined that he might still be even a kid, therefore it was only understandable if he was scared and confused.

Also A and B had been trained to become L’s successor, probably L was something like an idol for them and therefore it was likely that B would reach out to him instead of Watari.

The only thing that really started to worry L were the cases of murder that B had forwarded to him. If he analysed the facts logically, there was only one solution. The murderer was B, or that was what B wanted L to think.

L thought about it the rest of the night and completely forgot about his other appointments. When the sun had started to rise again, he had some kind of intuition.

All the sites of crime were connected and would form a cross in the end. There was only another murder missing until it would have been completed.

With a sense of urgency L left his hotel room and headed straight to the airport. His behaviour was not entirely out of character, he tried to defend himself, by telling him, that he could prevent a murder and save a life, maybe even two.

Somewhere in the evening L had finally arrived at a small village in England, where there was hardly anyone around. If his calculations were correct, the murder must be happening inside the small park. Patiently he looked at his GPS device and walked to the spot that was the exact match, at least if the murderer was as accurate as L was giving him credit for.

L stood there for some time, observing how the sun was setting and how the park was getting emptier with every passing minute.

When the street lights in the distance started to shine, L wondered what would happen next. Usually he was not the one personally showing up at a crime scene and suddenly it hit him how very much careless he had been.

“BANG!”

The sound came from behind L and he felt something poke against his back. It could have been either a gun or a knife.

Only seconds later the item was removed from his back and he heard a soft voice.

“The greatest detective my ass. You would have been rather dead right now.”

Slowly L turned around.

In front of him stood not a kid, but a young man around his age. He was lean and slender and had short blond hair that fell into his face in an unruly way just as L’s hair would. The man was smiling at him and apparently it had been his finger he had used to poke L’s back. In the twilight his eyes seemed as if they were gleaming red, but L was sure he was only imagining things.

“Yeah, but maybe I wanted to die,” L replied with an unreadable expression.

This seemed to amuse the other one greatly and he laughed a little shrilly.

“That would be quite a loss to the world.”

“Not really,” L shrugged, “you are B, aren’t you?”

The man held out his hand as a greeting.

“I am Beyond Birthday! Nice to meet you L?”

“Only L,” L replied.

“Hm, ok,” B crossed his arms behind his head and gave L a taxing look.

“You are in a good shape, although you tend to eat only sweets. But your eyes show that you are an insomniac and although you train Capoeira you still choose to stand as hunched like that. Are you doing this to give a wrong impression on purpose?”

By now L was sure that B seemed to think of him like a superstar and had collected every tiny information about him that he could find.

“Why did you run away from Wammy’s?” L asked, ignoring the fact that he was killing the other’s excitement.

“I didn’t run away. I am doing some field research.”

L shrugged and was about to turn away. If Beyond wouldn’t be honest with him, he had no interest in keeping the conversation up.

“Hey wait!” B called after him and held his wrist.

“Hm?” L turned around once more.

“Why didn’t you bring the police with you?” B asked with a puzzled expression on his face.

“I mean, you must have figured it out already. I’m a criminal and you have to arrest me…,”

B’s face fell and he looked at his shoes, giving the impression of a puppy that had been scolded.

Actually L wasn’t sure himself why he had acted like this, but he turned and faced B once more.

“The victims had one thing in common,” L started and soon realized that B’s hand that was still around L’s wrist had started to tremble in anticipation.

“They would have died anyways, probably even on the same day. One had planned to commit suicide, one was deathly sick and the third was about to get murdered by his wife. Only when she found him he was dead already, therefore she went to the police.”

B’s eyes became wide and sparkled as if L had just revealed the worlds greatest secret for him.

The laughter that escaped B’s lips was hysterical like a maniacs.

“Hahah you really are the worlds greatest detective. But does this really excuse murder?” B wiped a tear of joy from his eyes.

L was silent for a while. Of course it wasn’t an excuse. However L had wanted to get to know B, before he would hand down a verdict.

And now that he was standing in front of him, L was for the first time indecisive.

“Maybe we should bring you back to Wammy’s?” L offered, however the other quickly moved and clawed both his hands into L’s shoulders in order to stop him.

“No, no, I can not go back there! I have too many bad memories connected to that place.”

There was panic written all over B’s face and his voice held a sense of urgency.

“Ok, then come with me.”

Up until today L had no idea what had possessed him at that time. B’s anxious expression turned into a happy smile within seconds. L could not help but think, that this had been B’s plan from the beginning.

“Really? I can go with you? Can I be your apprentice? I won’t be a burden to you I swear!”

L felt like this would probably become the biggest mistake of his life and oh boy, would it be one of his worst decisions ever.

“Just stop acting like a teenager,” L groaned and wanted to turn, only B’s hands were still holding him tightly.

B seemed to realize this as well and with one swift motion B was embracing L, pressing his body hard against the other while he started to sob into L’s ear.

“I won’t kill anymore! I promise! I won’t kill, I just wanted your attention and I knew it was the only way! Please, please forgive me L….,”

The mood-swings of Beyond were rather alarming, but since L had already come this far, he awkwardly patted the other’s back, hoping this would soothe him quickly.

Like he would with a little child L took B’s hand and let him from the park.


	6. I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And back to Light and L.  
> Actually I like this chapter quite a lot. It's one of the fluffy ones, if only things would not soon start to go into a different direction.
> 
> As always, thanks for any kudos! Also I am very happy about any comment :D!
> 
> Also another music recommendation: “Yiruma - River flows in you” , very beautiful piano music, great for writing.  
> If you know good writing music, plz tell me!

The ringing doorbell brought L back into reality. He didn’t even look up from his crouched position on the couch. There was no danger for him in here except for Light and he would not have to ring the bell.

“Hey!”

The high pitched voice of Misa pierced through L’s ears and he looked up with reluctance. To his surprise there was another person standing next to Misa, who was carrying a doctors case in one hand.

“The doctor wants to see you,” Misa added, although unnecessary.

“Hello Ryuzaki-sama, I was asked by Kira-sama to take a look at your wounds.”

The man sat down next to L and put his bag on the coffee table and opened it. Misa was glued to the spot next to both men with a curious expression on her face, however the moment she spotted the swollen black and blue marks on L’s wrists, she could not hold back a very content smile. As if Light had presented to her a very expensive gift, she turned around and started to clean up the house, humming a happy tune.

Meanwhile the doctor checked for any severe injuries and he turned L’s arms left and right and tried to bend his hands backwards, which resulted in L whining in pain.

“It’s only bruises. You should try to cool the wrists with a gel pack and I will apply an ointment. You should use it twice a day afterwards. I will also leave some painkillers for you, if the pain gets too intense.”

L listened to the doctor without acknowledging any of it. He would survive this, he had seen far worse.

The old man removed a few pills from the bag and put them on the table. Much to L’s chagrin the dose would not be enough to kill him.

“Then I will take my leave again. Miss?” The doctor called Misa over and gave her a few instructions before he left.

Grudgingly Misa walked over to the fridge and when she came back to L she slapped the ice packs and some towels on the couch.

“Here!” She spat and was about to turn around, when L had a brilliant idea.

“Miss Amane, seeing that I am not allowed to move my wrists anymore, would you please be so kind and prepare some food for me.”

Misa’s face became a horrible grimace, it took all her strength to hiss a reply back at L through clenched teeth.

“Sure.”

A few minutes later, she came back with a plate that was stacked with an assortment of sweets. She put it rather unceremoniously on the table and spun on her heel.

“Miss Amane?”

“Yes?!”

When she turned around once more her eyes were raging flames, but L only celebrated his little victory for the day.

“Would you be so kind and feed me?”

Misa’s expression was priceless. He was sure that she was about to slam the plate into L’s face, but she only closed her eyes and probably she counted to ten and thought about any wired promises that she had given Light.

While putting all her hatred into every spoonful of food she fed L, she did it otherwise very carefully.

Afterwards L had never seen Misa leave the apartment this fast and since L was finally alone he allowed himself to laugh out loud.

Like this L would even go so far as to say that it had been worth it getting injured if only for the sour look on Misa’s face just now.

The rest of the day passed without any other event. L tried to cool his wrists as best as he could and therefore he remained sitting on the couch unmoving.

In the evening the front door opened once again and Light had returned. The brunet immediately checked on L.

“How are you? The doctor told me that it’s not severe and you should be okay within a few days.”

Without asking for permission Light reached out and carefully inspected L’s arms. If L wasn’t mistaken Light actually looked as if he was sorry, however he didn’t apologize.

“Let me replace those for you.”

Light took the old cold packs and fetched some new ones from the fridge. Before he gave them to L he picked up the ointment and meticulously spread it over L’s bruised skin. Light’s touch was feathery light in order to not hurt L more than he already had.

When Light was finished with treating L’s wounds, he excused himself and immediately went to bed. L had not been happy about the fact that Light was touching him, however he reckoned it would only lead to more pain, if he would resist. Also L thought that it served Light right to feel at least a little remorse for what he had done to L.

During the night L must have dozed off, because he awoke with a start and realized that he was lying on the couch. With a yawn he sat up again and when he wanted to wipe the sleep from his eyes, he winced in pain. He had almost forgotten about the bruises.

He was just about to stand up and get himself some food, when he heard the door to the bedroom open.

It was still in the middle of the night and usually Light should have been fast asleep by now, therefore L gave Light a curious look through the darkness of the room.

Light only stopped when he arrived in front of L, who was still sitting on the couch and then Light went down on his knees. This was rather unexpected, but it shocked L even more, when Light took his hands in his, leaned forwards and placed his forehead on top.

“I’m sorry L. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

L wanted to remain indifferent and he would have thought that it must be a dream if it wasn’t for the throbbing pain inside his wrists as a constant reminder of reality.

Before L could react, Light looked up again and both their eyes met. L had no idea what the other was thinking, but he looked sincere enough. Of course Kira was the best actor when it came to feigning his innocence, but this time it was different from Light’s usual act. His voice was a little unsteady and the fact that this topic had kept him awake up until now was also something that would be hard to fake. Not impossible, but not quite Kira’s style.

Without another word Light let go of L and stood up. It was as if he couldn’t quite believe it himself what he had just done, but since he couldn’t make it undone he had to gloss it over.

“Then I won’t bother you any longer and go back to sleep.”

“Light-kun,” L had stood up as well and reached out and grabbed Light’s hand, who gave him an unbelieving look in return. Actually L had also no idea what he was doing.

“I will also go to bed.”

Light nodded and L quickly let go of the other again. Both men then returned into the bedroom and they settled into the bed accompanied by an awkward silence. L made sure to keep his distance and Light also was lying so far away that L wondered how he manage to stay on top of the mattress.

As expected it only took half an hour and Light had fallen asleep and turned around. L had actually waited for this moment and he slowly shifted his body nearer towards the other.

The curtains of the room were not closed entirely therefore there was still a little ray of light shining inside and L could easily make out all the features of Light’s face.

‘ _So you do have a soft side to you, don’t you?_ ’ L mused and unconsciously his hand reached out and was removing some stray hairs from Lights angelic face.

Shocked about himself, L quickly drew his hand back, but aside from that he did not dare to look away from Light.

The rest of the week Light left L alone and only wished him a good morning and a good night. It was as if they had called a truce for now.

On Saturday L’s wrists had turned into an ugly greenish yellow, but otherwise the pain had long gone and he could finally use his hands again. In order to distract himself he started to rip out pages from the horrible books that Light had given him as a present and he neatly folded origami cranes from the paper.

Maybe if he managed to fold 1000 cranes a god would finally feel sorry for him and grant him a wish. After he had learned about the existence of shinigami nothing was impossible anymore.

When Light returned in the evening he sat down across L and studied him for a while silently. Suddenly L looked up and fixed Light with his black eyes.

“Say Light-kun, how comes, that you are actually showing your face as Kira inside this building?”

L had wondered about this for quite some time now.

“They don’t know that I am Kira of course, but they know that I am very important for Kira’s plans. These people out there are hand-picked by me. They are as loyal as Misa, because I corrected the injustice that had happened to them in the past. For Kira they would go to hell and back.”

Actually L didn’t feel too convinced, it still seemed a rather risky manoeuvrer for Kira and Light seemed to pick up on this.

“Also I use a different entrance, so only the two people in front of the door ever saw my face.”

Afterwards both men fell silent once more.

“Some of the rules inside the Death Note are false.”

L didn’t ask, he stated it as a fact.

“Yes,” Light grinned, “how do you know?”

“The 13 day rule. You are Kira, but it does not apply to you.”

Light laughed, obviously he felt proud that L had figured it out himself.

“Right, I think it was a rather brilliant idea.”

“Hm,” L took his thumb towards his lips, “there was a time, when Light was different. After we had released you from the imprisonment it was like you had become an entirely different person...almost amiable.”

This time Light’s grin became even wider.

“You think so? Well, I gave up ownership of my Death Note and therefore I lost all memories connected to it.”

This was news to L and his eyes became large, while he processed the information.

“You can just dismiss a Death Note?”

Light nodded.

“You know Light, during that time I almost fell for you, only when Kyosuke Higuchi died I realized that you had turned back into the monster from before.”

If Light was hurt by L’s words he did not show it. L leaned closer to Light and tilted his head.

“Would Light-kun give up the Death Note once more for me?”

“No,” Light chuckled in an amused way. Although he had known the answer, L still started pouting in a mocking way.

“Then Light-kun will never have my love.”

“We’ll see about that.”

The detective ripped another page from one of the books and started to fold the next crane, while Light silently kept watching him.

Once again L looked up with his brows furrowed.

“Can I have some real pen and paper?”

Before Light could reply, L quickly added a thought.

“I won’t slip any messages towards your gorillas in front of the door. And I also can’t throw any paper planes outside as a call for help, since there are no windows to open to begin with.”

The brunet silently listened and then he leaned back and crossed his legs. Obviously L had said something that amused him greatly.

“What do you offer me in exchange?”

So it was all about power games again. L sighed and already regretted asking Light about it, still in the end pen and paper would make his life a lot less miserable. Actually L was very good at drawing and doing so would set his mind at peace for a very long time.

“Light-kun can hold me in his arms at night?” L offered a little lamely and Light scoffed in return.

“People would give their firstborn in order to be held at night by Kira!”

“And if I hold you?”

Light shook his head.

“You really need to offer something better than that.”

L sighed, he already knew the answer, but it did not sit well with him. He was giving Light too much reign over him and this would also not be the smartest move.

“You can kiss me,” L said flatly and of course this made Light’s face lit up in happy anticipation.

“Not quite L. How about you kiss me, but make it as if I am your real lover.”

L groaned inwardly. Of course Light had to twist everything to his own liking. L tried to hide his disgust as best as he could, when he patted the spot next to himself on the sofa.

Light came over and sat down. L arranged Light’s legs on the couch and he positioned himself between them, while he held his body up with his hands resting on the armrest behind Light.

Slowly he leaned closer towards the other, he wanted to get over with this as fast as possible, however the closer he came, the more he realized what a bad mistake he had made. Soon L could smell Light’s scent again and it made his heart speed up to an unhealthy degree. His legs became shaky, while L wondered how this was even possible. He hated Light, but somehow his body was betraying him, because deep down L knew that he indeed was very much attracted to Light, only not towards the Kira part of him.

Quickly L took the last centimetre and their lips connected. Light’s lips were soft and warm and although L was only putting very little pressure onto it, he felt all the nerves on his lips going aflame. He tried very hard to stay focused and follow his plan. If he imagined B instead of Light, maybe this would make things a little easier. Therefore the next thing L did in order to convince Light that he meant this kiss as a real lover, was to lick the others bottom lip, which resulted in Light immediately opening up for him.

L slipped in his tongue and when he made contact with Light’s something snapped inside him. Memories of his time with Beyond flashed in front of his inner eye and a fire erupted inside his chest that he had kept hidden for a very long time.

L’s hand reached out and buried itself inside Light’s hair, while the other hand clawed at Light’s shirt. L adjusted his position without losing contact and his tongue indulged into the other’s sweet, sweet taste. It was better than any of the treats L had ever tasted and he wanted more, so much more. It was like something was possessing him and he shamelessly kissed Light until suddenly L pulled back. His face was flushed red and his eyes wide open. If the detective looked puzzled it was nothing compared to Light. The blush gave his cheeks a rosy tint and he was rather out of breath. While both of them were trying to compose themselves, Light raked a hand through his hair.

“I will see to it that you’ll receive some pen and paper,” Light announced and left the room.

There was only L left with his own thoughts. His thumb was softly touching his swollen lips and more memories of the past came crashing back on him.


	7. You like the view?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this yesterday, but I'm a little busy.  
> I'm going to move into a new home soon and today I got the keys and did a loooot of cleaning.  
> **  
> This chapter is once again a trip into the past. I hope you'll like it, even though it's not Light and L.  
> Oh and the fluffy chapters will soon be over...no kidding.
> 
> Thanks for any kudos or comment!! :D Much appreciated.

After L had led Beyond from the park they had first met in, he brought him into a hotel room, that L had booked in advance. For the whole journey L had used a credit card that he knew Watari would not check on. Usually L bought illegal weapons with it or used the money to bribe someone.

L also ordered some food to their room and he sent Beyond into the bathroom in order to take a hot bath, while they waited for the food to arrive. Since Beyond had no other clothes but the ones he had been wearing, L gave him some of his own, figuring they would fit and serve the purpose for now.

Beyond was more than happy to accept the gift and when he came back from the bathroom with a towel around his shoulders he looked like a completely different person. L had to admit that Beyond looked rather handsome, although they were somewhat of the same build.

They had dinner late at night and B kept on grinning at L like a lovestruck puppy.

“You want to go to sleep now? I have some work to finish, so you can go to bed already,” L offered, searching for an opportunity to have some time for himself again.

B seemed to be shocked and he waved his hands in front of him.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry! I keep you away from your important tasks. I’m sorry.”

“It’s no big deal, I was ahead of schedule anyways,“ L shrugged.

“You can have the bedroom to yourself,” L was about to propose, when B nearly sprung at him.

“No way! I can not take away your bedroom. I’m perfectly content with sleeping on the couch!”

L raked a hand through his hair. He was sure that Beyond was the same age as himself, but he acted like a little child and although L didn’t like it, it immediately struck a nerve within his chest.

“Ok, then,” L walked into the bedroom and brought a pillow and a blanket over to prepare the couch for Beyond, who was standing next to him while trying to hide an embarrassed blush behind his blonde hair.

“Then have a good night,” L nodded towards B, before he walked into the bedroom where he opened his laptop again.

For a very long time L stared blankly at the screen, recollecting the recent events. There was something about Beyond that L could not quite piece together and L tapped a nervous finger against his lips.

L had half a mind to tell Watari about it, but he figured that this would not sit well with Beyond. He might even run away once again and it was possible that he would start killing again.

It wasn’t that L thought that he could make a better person out of Beyond, but somehow he wanted to believe that he actually could. Then again he still did not understand the motif behind B’s actions. B had said that he had only killed in order to meet L, however if he really knew as much about L as he pretended to, than he should have known that L did not tolerate such a behaviour.

Still, L had invited the enemy into his home and it puzzled him beyond compare. He wondered why he was not simply handing the other over to the police. He had never met this person before and had no connection towards him except for being raised at Wammy’s.

Or maybe it was that L had been working alone for far too long. More than once L had fantasized about someone working together with him. Some genius he could share his theories with and receive some useful feedback from. Ultimately only a murderer could think like a murderer and therefore L was sure that he could learn something from Beyond.

With a sigh L resumed his work and figured that he could delay his decision for now. He would have a close eye on B’s actions and he could hand him over to the police at any give time in the future or at least, that was what he told himself.

The next morning L was only made aware of the presence of someone else inside his hotel room, when he heard a soft knock against the bedroom door.

“Yes, come in!” L called and the moment he turned around he realized that he must have sat hunched over in front of the laptop unmoving for far too long. With a grimace he stood up from the chair and looked at the blond man, who was nervously peeking through a slit of the door.

“Good morning L,” Beyond made a step forward and fidgeted with his hands.

“Morning Beyond, should we eat breakfast?”

Beyond’s face lit up and L took the phone and dialled the reception.

“What do you want to eat?” L asked.

“Pancakes with strawberry jam, whipped cream and a tea!”

L was astonished by the choice and ordered the same for himself. Only a short while later they were sitting on the couch and ate their pancakes until L spoke up again.

“I have to return to Germany today. Do you want to accompany me?”  
Beyond looked as if he could not believe that this was actually happening.

“I don’t want to be a hindrance…,” Beyond stuttered and looked to the ground.

“With your abilities I think it would rather be beneficial,” L smiled and the other looked up at him with a face full of hope.

They made a detour through the city and bought a few clothes for B and then they flew first class back to Berlin.

During the flight L gave a first outline about the case he was working on to B and the other could already give him some very helpful suggestions, that would help L solve the case much faster than expected.

L continued to take Beyond with him while he travelled from case to case. He was always booking a single bedroom, in order to not make Watari become suspicious. L did not sleep most of the time anyways, therefore it never came to any awkward situations between B and him.

Beyond was indeed worthy of becoming his successor L quickly realized. He had some unique out of the box thinking and soon L let him even handle his own cases, which doubled L’s success to a degree that other detectives were starting to think about him as a legend.

Only a few months later, after L had taken B with him, they were working together on a puzzling case in Brazil. Time was not on their side and since more and more people died, L was working more allnighters than he usual did.

One night Beyond came into L’s room with a worried look on his face. He seemed to look at something that was hovering just above L’s head, before he returned his gaze back on L’s face.

“You look like shit. If you don’t start taking care of your body there won’t be much lifetime left for you to spend.”

L furrowed his brows and laughed out loud, while he was back at staring at the screen in front of him.

“Then what do you suggest?” L asked and took a bite from a chocolate bar.

Beyond stepped closer and put his hands on L’s shoulders, softly he started to massage the hard muscles.

The touch was a little unexpected but not at all unpleasant. L and Beyond had become quite close friends through the last months and L understood that the other was worried for his well-being.

“Come to bed,” B leaned down and breathed the words into L’s ear. This certainly had a strange effect on L and the fingers that had constantly been typing on the keyboard suddenly halted mid-air.

Beyond straightened himself up again and laughed.

“I can give you a proper massage, if you lay down in bed. Your neck is really tense, a little massage can do wonders.”

“Hm, ok,” L finally agreed and closed his laptop. He had received a professional massage before and he thought it could not hurt to have some rest from work.

Both men went into the bedroom which had two queen-size beds.

“Remove your shirt and lay down flat on your stomach please,” Beyond ordered with a wink. L did as he was told, but when he turned towards B with his chest naked he felt a little bashful. He knew there was nothing to feel shy about, but if he got naked in front Watari or a doctor it was a whole different affair than undressing in front of a friend. Especially a friend that right now had a look on his face that L would best describe as hunger.

In order to hide the blush that unsolicited started to creep up his cheeks, he quickly laid down on the bed, arranging his hands under his chin like a pillow.

Only seconds later Beyond had followed him on the bed and had taken a seat on top of L.

“My hands are a little cold, so don’t be too shocked,” Beyond warned him before his fingers made contact with L’s delicate skin.

The moment Beyond made the first strokes down L’s spine the black haired detective had a hard time to breathe.

Everything he was feeling right now, he had never felt before. He had read everything about sexual attraction between women and men, men and men and every other possible pairing. Due to his work he had also seen some really kinky stuff, but it had never stirred anything inside his chest. Soon L had come to the conclusion that he was probably asexual, because he had no interest in any of these things. He didn’t crave for anyone’s touch in order to make him feel whole. He was perfectly fine with himself. But the way he was feeling right now made his world shatter into pieces.

L felt sorry for the person behind him, that only had the best intentions, while L was loosing his mind under his touch to the degree that it became embarrassing. Shocked to the core L realized that the lower Beyond started to knead his back, the more aroused he became. L prayed to the god’s that B would soon finish and he was thankful that the other was not able to see his face. Maybe L could get away with pretending to have fallen asleep?

Beyond’s hands were suddenly stroking down L’s sides and a moan escaped his lips, which he only barley was able to turn into a yawn.

“Are you tired? Should I stop?” B asked with his most innocent voice.

“Ah, yeah, this is really relaxing. I think I will immediately fall asleep now,” L lied, making sure not to look up at B.

“Ok,” B climbed down from the bed and carefully placed the blanket over L’s naked back.

“Then good night.”

“Night,” L whispered and hid his burning face under the blanket, while Beyond was lying down on his own bed with a laptop in front of him, working through some files.

L cursed inwardly, because his situation was very severe. He very badly needed to take care of something and he could not leave the room without B realizing, nor could he do it secretly under his blanket.

Things were getting painful already and L tried very hard to think of something distracting enough that it would finally have his feelings calm down again. After what felt like an eternity L’s pulse was back to normal and he had managed by sheer willpower to make his erection go down again.

After Beyond had also fallen asleep L kept on watching the other with a puzzled expression on his face. Although Beyond was around his age he seemed to be rather innocent and L really did not want to scare him away with his feelings. For the first time L had found a real friend and now he had started to fall for him. L tried to justify his feelings with his lack of experience. Maybe anyone could have roused this kind of feelings inside him, if they only had the chance.

Before L finally drifted into a deep sleep he made a mental note about not ever getting too close towards Beyond again.

Only somehow L seemed to be out of his luck. The next morning after they had breakfast together Beyond encouraged L to go running together to give his life a push into a healthier direction. L agreed to it and they ended up running through the rain for half of the tour.

When they returned to their hotel room Beyond was laughing happily and quickly he removed his soaked shirt.

“That was fun,” he cheered and caught L staring at his naked body. A mischievous grin spread over Beyond’s face and he turned towards L.

“Do you like the view?”

L swallowed hard and quickly glanced away. Luckily his face was flush red from the running already, therefore Beyond would not be able to spot the blush that otherwise would have been prominent on his cheeks.

“Hey L, you should also quickly remove the wet clothes or you will catch pneumonia!”

It took L a moment before he was back into reality, but he hesitated.

“Don’t be shy now. I already saw you yesterday!” Beyond chided him and walked over with the bad intentions written all over his face.

“I can remove it myself!” L desperately tried to keep Beyond away from him, but this only fuelled B’s motivation until they were both fighting for L’s shirt. In the end Beyond was the winner, when he took hold of the hem and unceremoniously pulled the wet fabric over L’s head.

However because L had still continued to struggle they both ended up falling to the ground with B on top of L.

“Sorry,” B laughed and pushed himself upwards until his head was just above L’s. L held the other’s gaze for a while, somehow lost inside the dark orbs that seemed to be shimmering red.

Their naked and still damp chests were pressed to each other and L had no idea how to handle the situation anymore. Eventually he shoved Beyond from his body and stood up.

“Do you want to shower first or shall I?” He asked, while he avoided looking at the other at all costs.

B seemed to realize that something had changed in L’s mood and he also stood up and reached out for L, who immediately slapped his hand away.

Both of them had a similar shocked expression on their faces and kept on looking at the spot where only seconds ago B’s hand had been.

“I’m sorry,” L whispered and run from the room.

There was a heavy silence following L’s outburst and Beyond seemed to avoid L the next days. It nearly broke L’s heart to lose his friend only because he could not hold back his emotions and therefore L concluded that he had no other choice but to send Beyond away. If L wanted to remain friends with him, this was the only way to not fall for him even harder. L wanted to protect the other from himself and therefore one evening L asked Beyond to sit down with him at the sitting area of the shared hotel room and have a talk.

“Beyond, I want to ask you, if you would like to work independently?”

Beyond’s face paled immediately and his eyes became large.

“You send me away?”

L raked a hand through his black hair, he had not meant to phrase it this harsh.

“No, I,…,” L started, but Beyond cut him off.

“I can do better than now! I swear! I won’t be a burden to your work. Just don’t send me away! Please!”

“Beyond, you are a very good detective. Actually I think you are even better than me. If you just contact Watari he will arrange everything to support you financially. Then you can have your own room, your own equipment and you can work on your own cases.”

The moment L had mentioned Watari’s name Beyond’s eyes started to flash angrily and he sprung to his feet.

“NO!! Don’t contact Watari! I will never work with him again!”

L held up his hand in order to calm the other a little more down.

“Ok, I understand, please sit down again and let’s think about it rationally.”

“Rationally my ass!” B started to laugh and L could feel how the conversation was slipping out of his control.

“I work with you or with no one!” Beyond stated, his eyes sparkling with a resolve that L was sure he could not easily bypass.

The detective also stood up and made a step closer towards the other.

“B, please understand, I’m not good for you. You have to live your own life.”

Beyond expression fell and he looked positively hurt. L wanted to take back his words, but it was too late. Beyond sprinted towards the door and slammed it behind him.

Beyond did not return for an entire week. If L said he was not concerned he would by lying. He regularly checked all the internal police records fearing to read about any accidents that might have happened recently. L had tried to find Beyond, but he was sure that as long as Beyond did not want to be found, it would be impossible even for him to spot his whereabouts.

L felt so miserable that he could not eat nor sleep and he was a walking ghost by the end of the week. He swore to tell Beyond the truth if he would ever step back through those doors. If Beyond rejected him then, L would be fine, but everything was better than this unvoiced feelings inside his chest. He really wished to see Beyond one more time, even if it meant seeing him for the last time.


	8. Don't touch me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo tomorrow I'm going to move into a new home and since I'm not sure, when I will be online again I post a new chapter now.  
> It's a bit short, but quite important I think. Hope you like it!
> 
> Thanks for the kudos or any comment :)!

Light kept true to his words and the next day Misa handed L several notebooks and an assortment of pens and pencils over. The happiness L felt about it, was a welcome distraction towards the feelings that had overcome him when he had kissed Light.

L hadn’t been able to sleep the entire night and as much as he tried to forget about the whole issue, the feeling of Light’s lips on his kept on hunting him. He told himself over and over again that he needed to stay focused and that probably the kiss might have worked wonders on Light. Therefore his work had not been fruitless. Still the way L had lost control over his emotions and his body troubled him more than he wanted to admit.

In his mind L had originally planned to get Light under his spell bit by bit, but now L wasn’t sure who controlled whom.

In order to soothe his mind L took one of the sketchbooks and he started to draw a few lines without any further logic to it. Since L was so immersed into his drawing Misa soon came over to check what he was doing. When she saw the nearly photo-realistic drawing of the city outside she gasped in awe.

“You can draw so well!” She praised without thinking and when L turned towards her, she quickly sealed her lips with her hands again and turned away.

L hadn’t even realized what he had been drawing up until the moment that Misa had admired his work. Afterwards L felt a lot more composed and he still felt cool and collected the moment Light returned.

“How was your day L? You received my gift?”

L turned around and gave Light a curt nod.

On the coffee table were several additional drawings and Light picked one up and admired the work.

“Is there anything you are not good at?” Light mocked and put the paper carefully back on the table.

“Obviously I am not good at putting you behind bars.”

Light smiled and let a hand travel over L’s head as if giving him a pat for his good work.

This made L feel rather annoyed, but he didn’t show any reaction to it.

The next days went by much the same. L soon had found some kind of routine and sometimes he would even have a little conversation with Misa, although she was reluctant to reply.

Light didn’t try to advance on L any further, nor did he request anything in addition, but what Light continued to do was casually making contact with L. There was a brush against his arm, a soft pat on his head or leg, his fingers that accidentally caressed L’s hand. At first L had indeed thought that those incidents had been unintentional, but after a week, he realized that there was a pattern to it.

One evening, when L reached out for a pencil, Light also reached out for the same one and his hand rested on top of L’s. The detective wasn’t sure if Light only meant to annoy him or followed any other plan, but it vexed L to the point, that he snapped.

“Will you stop touching me!”

It seemed that Light did not mind the reaction, actually it looked like he waited for this a long time.

“No L, I won’t.”

Within seconds L had withdrawn his hand and he got to his feet as if ready for a fight. Light followed his example and stood up. Both of them circled each other like two wild cats that were just about to strike out.

Light was the first one who made a move, but L easily dodged the attack. It wasn’t the first time they had a fight like this and L certainly remembered Light’s style. Actually L was sure that he could win this and in the next second he tried a foot-sweep, however Light had also anticipated his move and he had quickly jumped to the side.

They continued the fight and sprung back and forth. L as well as Light seemed both to enjoy themselves greatly while no one was about to give up. It was only bad luck, when L had to avoid one of Light’s kicks, that he nearly slipped on the floor and it was in this moment, that Light got hold of one of his arms and soon he had turned L around and was holding him in an arm lock, while he pressed L against the window.

“Got you,” Light breathed against L’s ear, who started to struggle and claw at Light with his still free hand. However Light easily grabbed the other one too and held it pinned against the glass in front of him.

“So L, first you kiss me rather fervently and now you don’t want me to touch you. This doesn’t make much sense, or are you only playing hard to get?”

Light’s voice was husky next to L’s ear and it made him shiver.

However he tried to hide everything behind his usual mask and only rolled his eyes.

“Light-kun is really so clever. He saw right through me.”

Light chuckled against L’s temple, while he let his lips graze alongside it.

“L, what are you doing to me?”

Of course the question had been rhetorically only, but it made L laugh out bitterly.

“What I am doing to you? At least I am not locking you up inside a penthouse!”

“Oh, you only locked me up in a stinking cell for 53 days. I haven’t forgotten the kindness you showed me.”

Light’s grip on his arms tightened and it wasn’t until L coughed out in pain, that Light loosened his hands again.

“You really think you are above everything L, but in reality you long to become freed of the rules that you have set for yourself. I can give you the liberation you are seeking for. I can free you from you shackles!”

L felt anger rise inside his chest, but he held it down when he replied.

“You know nothing about me.”

Once again the only reply L received was a chuckle from behind and just when L thought that Light would finally let go of him, the brunet suddenly started to kiss L’s neck.

The contact was so sudden that L had no time to think about a proper reaction to it. Therefore he failed terribly and a shocked gasp escaped his mouth.

This encouraged Light even more and he licked along the neck and his hot breath ghosting over L’s ear send shivers down his spine.

L closed his eyes and he was searching for something he could focus on, something that would keep him grounded, however the only memory his brain presented him with was the scent of blood.

L helplessly drew in some air, when Light had started to suck on his delicate skin. Clearly Light intended to leave some hickeys along the way.

The situation was spiralling out of hand. The detective clung to the last bit of willpower, but when Light pressed his body from behind against L and he could feel Light’s prominent erection grinding against his butt, L’s resolve to fight gradually faded.

Light seemed to realize it too and he let go of L’s arms, which weakly dropped to the side. However just when Light was about to let his hands slip under L’s shirt L finally came back into reality.

“NO!” He shouted with more force than he had felt capable of given his recent circumstances.

This left Light puzzled for a moment, however it only had sparked his interest even more. Although L wanted to dodge the arm that was already reaching out for his wrist once more, L’s knees were still too weak and he fell right into Light’s arms.

“Ts, ts, L, what is it that you are trying to hide?”

The brunets arms around L’s waist felt nearly comforting, if it wasn’t for the fact, that Light had grabbed the hem of L’s shirt and wanted to pull it upwards.

Like a little kitten that was about to get thrown into the water L fought tooth and nails to prevent this from happening, although he knew that Light would find out eventually. However this was the most personal thing that L was carrying with him every day. In his heart he feared that as soon as Light would see it, it would have been defiled for all eternity.

In the end L lost the battle once more and Light had pressed him against the window again and he was holding both L’s wrists to the side in one hand, while the other one was finally pushing up the white fabric of L’s shirt and exposed his back.

A very long silence followed afterwards and suddenly Light let go of him. L quickly pulled down the shirt and turned around, his eyes looking to the side somehow ashamed.

Except for Watari no one had ever seen the scars Beyond Birthday had left behind on L’s body. He had called it a present back then and with a fine scalpel he had written his name over the whole of L’s back. If Watari had not found him back then, L might have been dead already.

“Beyond Birthday,” Light whispered and gave L an incredulous look, “I remember his name.”

This made L look up, his eyes burning with hatred.

“You better should!” L spat, showing raw emotions for the very first time.

“The BB murder case in LA. I thought he was a particularly nasty murderer and I always wondered why he wasn’t sentenced to death. I allowed myself to correct this little error.”

L was so angry, he nearly saw stars. He remembered very well the moment, when he had received the message that Beyond had died of a mysterious heart attack inside his cell.

Back then L had completely wrecked his office in his rage. When Watari found him he was lying on the floor sobbing like a little child, surrounded by glass shards of broken screens and furniture that he had turned upside down. Back then L had sworn to himself that he would be the one to find Kira and to kill him as a revenge for B!

Still there was some truth to Light’s words that L had never dared to accept. Actually L had been the reason why Beyond had not received a death sentence and even until today L had kept all the other murders a secret that B had committed right under L’s nose. So actually L had given his consent to murder. So wasn’t it that Kira had done what L should have done a long time ago? L had failed the law and Kira had corrected his mistake.

The thought helped L to regain his composure and he adjusted his position back to his normal stance.

Light had kept a close eye on L, studying his every movement.

“So Beyond Birthday did this to you?”

L nearly lost it a second time, but he did not reply and only glared at Light.

“Of course, you can hardly cut open your own back. I wonder how you were able to justify this relationship in front of your own high standard. Compared to him I would say I’m the much better choice.”

Once again L had no energy to reply. There was not much to say to begin with. Yes, he made a mistake! Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, only his had been more severe than others. He had learned his lesson hard and therefore falling for Light Yagami was absolutely out of question.

Light crossed his arms in front of him and looked as if he had been hit by some kind of inspiration.

“I understand it now. You want revenge for him?”

L wanted to reply, that he wanted nothing more than this, however he was unable to. He wondered if these feelings were actually making him the same as Kira, the same as B.

“No,” L finally whispered and looked directly into Light’s amber eyes, “this is about receiving Absolution.”

So in the end both men had the same goal. Both of them wanted their sins to be forgiven.

For a moment both of them just stared at each other silently, until Light closed his eyes and smiled.

“I will go to bed now, have a good night.”


	9. From pleasure to pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the absence...moving is a terrible thing. I hope I will never, ever have to move anywhere again.
> 
> For everyone who was waiting for things to get dark, here we are. For me this chapter makes me cry, a lot.
> 
> !!Trigger Warning!!
> 
> sex, blood kink, blood, abuse, violence

After seven days, 23 hours and 14 minutes, Beyond staggered back into the hotel room in the middle of the night. As quickly as he could L had left his chair in the bedroom and he was petrified when he found Beyond covered over and over in blood. Their eyes met and while Beyond looked like a beaten puppy, L was torn between relief and concern.

“What happened?” L asked carefully, although he was sure he already knew the answer.

Beyond sniffed a few times and tried to wipe away the tears that kept on streaming down his cheeks. His bloody hand left a new bloodstain on the otherwise milky white face.

“I’m sorry L. I...I was just so upset…,” Beyond sobbed and hid his face inside his palms. L couldn’t help but feel pity and he walked over and patted Beyond’s head, like he would do with a little child.

“Shh, shh, it’s ok. You don’t need to cry. It was my fault.”

“But, but…,” Beyond reached out both of his hands and he pulled L into a tight embrace. L let him although he felt a little nauseous from the smell of blood that clung to the other.

Beyond clawed his hands into the fabric of L’s shirt and his body was shaking from the tears he cried. L returned the embrace and softly stroked over Beyond’s back, although L felt how his palms became sticky from the blood that had drenched Beyond’s shirt.

After some minutes Beyond’s sobs gradually died down and L wanted to pull back again, however the other did not let him go.

“B?” L asked with some worry in his voice.

What happened afterwards L wasn’t able to remember clearly, only that Beyond had pinned him to the wall and his lips were pressing on his own. With eyes wide open L started to process the situation, but when he wanted to utter a word of protest B had slipped his tongue into his mouth. At first L could only taste blood and his instinct was to push B away, however the other was much stronger than he was and held both of L’s arms to the side.

Beyond’s kiss was harsh and claiming and it very much overwhelmed L to the point that he felt the lack of oxygen making him feel dizzy.

Finally Beyond allowed L to take a deep breath, who immediately started to protest.

“Beyond! What are you…,” L gasped, but Beyond leaned back forwards in order to claim L’s lips once more.

Actually L had dreamed about kissing Beyond for the past six days and now that his dream had actually come true he felt that it was not right. Still, the sensation of the other was too much for L. His heartbeat was hammering loudly inside his ears, while several electric shocks were send through his entire body with each lick Beyond was giving his lips. L’s resistance faded with every passing second and Beyond finally let go of his wrists in order to place his hands on L’s hips instead.

The kiss was halted and when Beyond pulled back their eyes met. Beyond’s expression was sending shivers down L’s spine, while he himself must have been looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Beyond’s head dived down again and this time his lips assaulted the delicate skin on L’s neck. Never in his life would L have believed that someone could make him feel like this, but right now his brain’s activity seemed to have paused, while his body had taken over control. When Beyond started to lick down L’s throat, his whole body shivered and a moan escaped him. He could feel the smile on B’s lips, before he continued sucking and kissing his neck. L was panting heavily and when he felt his knees would soon not be able to carry the weight, his arms reached out around B’s shoulders to support him.

Suddenly L felt a sharp pain on his neck and his eyes flew open. For a brief moment he felt like he had been brought back to his senses. Beyond had bitten him like a vampire, but he already was tending to the wound by liking along it and it blew L’s mind away. His hips sprung forward and he wanted to be as close as possible towards the other man’s body. Beyond gladly accepted the offer and adjusted his position until he could rub his erection against L’s.

L’s head fell backwards on the wall and he buried one of his hands into B’s golden blond hair. With both his hands Beyond started to explore L’s body and slipped under his shirt. One hand was travelling upwards and gave L’s nipple a little squeeze, while the other was busying itself with the bottom on L’s jeans.

When B pushed his hand under the fabric of L’s boxer’s and started stroking L’s already hard length, the detective felt close to fainting. He had no idea, how the situation had escalated so quickly, but the feeling of Beyond’s finger around his shaft was simply too good to be true. Without realizing it L had started to lean into the touch and Beyond was gladly picking up the rhythm. For a second Beyond shifted his kissing back to L’s mouth and their tongues were entwined once more. When Beyond removed his hand from L’s body again, it nearly made L wince, however the other had used both of his hands to pull down L’s jeans as well as his own pants.

The next moment B’s hand was back around L’s cock, but at the same time he was also rubbing his own erection against L’s.

L’s head started to spin and he closed his eyes and listened to his and B’s heavy panting. It did not take much longer before L could feel a wave of heat running through his body, until he climaxed into Beyond’s hand.

They remained leaning against each other for a very long time until they had caught their breaths again. Only then did L realize, that he was not only covered in sweat and cum, but also in blood. Distracted by Beyond’s kissing he had not realized it before, but now he was very close to throwing up.

Beyond seemed to realize it as well and he carefully manoeuvred L into the bathroom, where he lead them both into the shower and Beyond softly started to rub the blood from L’s body, until both of them were clean again.

L did not dare to speak another word, he was too entranced by the recent events. Soon he and Beyond were both lying together in one bed and L was cradling the other inside his arms, while B had been fast asleep already.

The detective allowed himself to bury his nose into the other’s hair and only then did he feel the bad conscience that kept on nagging him. The moment L had seen Beyond standing at the door, he had been too happy by the sight to ask anymore questions, but how could L live with the fact that B was running freely killing people without L stopping him. How could L be ok with loving a murderer? It had been an accident L told himself. He had not been himself. If L would not have tried to send him away, this surely would not have happened. Obviously Beyond already felt sorry for it, so maybe he would stop the killing. Maybe if L asked him to?

L’s arms wrapped tighter around B’s body. How was it even possible that B actually felt the same for L?

The next morning, when B woke up and realized that L was holding him in his arms he turned around with a cheerful expression on his face.

“Good morning!” He smiled and L returned the smile a little sheepishly.

“Morning.”

Beyond immediately shifted closer to L until their bodies were pressed flush together and soon he had claimed L’s lips once more, who could only helplessly endure it.

“B! What?” He protested, however his face was already blushing bright red.

“Let’s have sex again!” B grinned, but L quickly sprung from the bed, too embarrassed to stay for another second inside the room with Beyond.

“I….I have to go to the toilet,” he excused himself and Beyond waved after him.

Following this incident Beyond used every moment to claim L’s attention and do indecent stuff with him. L who was not only very much smitten by the young man, was also extremely powerless in gaining any kind of control over the other.

One night, when L was in the middle of a conference with some very important people from Interpol B had sneaked inside the room and kneeled down in front of L.

The detective had tried to kick him away, however the other had avoided the attack and soon opened L’s jeans and started giving him a blow-job.

Only barely did L manage to give his report to the authorities without giving his inner turmoil away. When he was finally able to set his microphone on mute again he let his head fall backwards and buried his hand’s into B’s hair, while he enjoyed the feeling of B’s wet tongue licking over his tip.

While these kind of assaults were a little annoying, L never chided the other for it. In reality it added an additional rush to their interaction, always on the verge of getting exposed.

They had sex as often as they could, even during their work. L sometimes could not think about anything else and he soon realized that he had maybe started to become addicted to the feeling of B inside him.

At the same time L also realized that Beyond’s actions became rougher with every time. At first Beyond had often only bitten into L’s neck until he would draw blood, but soon he was also clawing down his arms and back with his nails, which was a rather painful experience.

However L did not dare to mention it, always afraid that Beyond would get distressed over it and run away once more. Also L figured that Beyond definitely had a passion for blood. Therefore it was probably better if it was L’s blood instead of someone else’s. Beyond would also make sure that the wounds on L were well tended for. Therefore it actually wasn’t too bad, only a little worrisome, L told himself until one night Beyond was presenting him with a razor blade.

“Don’t worry. This is so sharp you won’t even feel the cuts, also the pain will only add to the pleasure.”

L did not reply immediately, therefore Beyond spoke up before he could.

“You know that blood arouses me, so please allow me to use it! I will be gentle, I promise!”

There it was again. Beyond always made it sound like he was only a little boy, when he wanted something from L. Up until now this had worked very well for him, but L suddenly realized that this was rather manipulative from the other.

In the end L did agree, only that he did not nearly enjoy it as much as B. L was terribly afraid of losing Beyond. He craved the others touch so baldy, it started to hurt after only a few hours of his absence.

While L became more and more worried about his own feelings Beyond would leave the hotel at random hours during the night without giving L any more information regarding his whereabouts. First L had not thought much about it, but the longer Beyond was away from him, the more an empty feeling started to spread through his body. L had a hard time to concentrate and he even did not want to eat any sweets. He was worried sick, that Beyond had left him and would never come back again. L wondered if he had done anything wrong, if he should have been more open regarding the razor. One night L felt silent tears running over his cheeks, when B had once again left him for a very long time.

Finally L realized that this could not go on any further. He was not only neglecting his career, but also his body and mind. All the cuts distributed over his arms, legs and back were a clear proof of is poor life choices. Obviously L was incapable of helping himself and his opinion on the situation was strongly biased, therefore he reached out to the only person he knew, who would be able to give L some good advice.

_[Watari, I made a mistake…it’s about B]_

The moment L hit the send button it felt a lot like betrayal and he buried his face inside his palms, while waiting for whatever would happen next. After a few hours and with a sense of bad foreboding he heard Beyond entering the room again.

The way Beyond was looking at L told the detective that he had already found out about the mail.

“So...you want to break up with me?” Beyond asked, his eyes narrowed and with an air of cold hatred.

“No!” L started to panic and he quickly walked over to Beyond, however the look he was giving him, froze him to the spot.

“Beyond! You are the most important person for me….but I have changed. I don’t recognize myself anymore! And I am….I am afraid.”

“Of me?” Beyond flashed him a wicked smile.

“No, of myself. I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.” L finally admitted and looked down at the floor.

“Ok.”

Beyond’s voice was icy and it made L shiver all over.

Suddenly B had grabbed L’s wrist and he was pulling him towards the bedroom. L tried to stop him, but if he would have resisted anymore, B might have pulled out his arm.

With one heavy push Beyond had thrown him head-first onto the mattress and sat on top of him in order to hold him down.

“So since this is goodbye, how about a little present? I think I know something with which you will never ever forget me.” Beyond’s voice sounded crazy like a maniacs.

When L heard the fabric of his shirt getting torn, he knew that Beyond had absolutely no good intentions. At first Beyond leaned down and kissed L’s back, but those kisses did not feel pleasurable at all, it made L’s hairs stand up in fear. He helplessly continued to struggle and asked B to stop, he pleaded him to let him go, but Beyond showed him no mercy.

When Beyond made his first deep cut into L’s back he could only scream out in pain.

“Beyond! Stop! It hurts!” L cried and the first tears started to run down his cheeks.

“Hahahhaah yes, that’s what it’s all about, no?”

And he added another cut and another one. Beyoned seemed very much unfazed by L’s cries and after several more cuts, L had no energy to scream out anymore and was only sobbing into the mattress, while Beyond continued to perpetuate his name into L’s back.

When Beyond was finished he kissed L’s forehead one last time, before he left L behind streaming with blood and broken-hearted.


	10. I need to leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo again! I'm slowly getting settled at my new home. Maybe I will even start writing again. Sadly I have to pass Nanowrimo :/ 
> 
> Back to the story.  
> Actually I’m skipping the timeskip that would have followed after L’s death :D hahah, so Near, Mello and Matt are already older at this point of time. Also things will happen a lot faster than in the original, because otherwise the plot would probably explode :D.
> 
> Also thanks for any kudos and please tell me what you think so far! Still worth reading? The Beyond part was boring? Always happy to hear your thoughts.
> 
> **
> 
> TW: sex

For several days L and Light did not speak with each other and L tried to ignore the brunet as best as he could given the circumstances. Only when Light did not come back for one entire day and night, L started to get anxious. Misa had also not shown up and for the first time L realized that his life was very much dependant on the fact that Light would stay alive. No one besides Light, Misa and Light’s henchmen knew that L was still alive, therefore no one would start to search for him. In the unlikely event that Kira got killed, L wondered if someone would actually find him, otherwise he would starve to death. Haunted by these thoughts L did not dare to touch the food inside the fridge and instead he tried to meditate and will down his hunger and craving for sweets.

When he suddenly heard the front door opening, he couldn’t help but run towards it. Light looked extremely exhausted, when he walked over to L and fell into the armchair with a deep sigh. Light had dark circles under his eyes. Something must have happened that had not been according to plan.

“Hello Light,” L greeted him, hoping Light would share some information with him.

Light closed his eyes for a moment and held his hand against his forehead, seemingly lost deep in his thoughts.

“What do you know about Near and Mello?” Light finally opened his eyes again and gazed directly at L.

L could tell him a whole lot about those two kids, only he wouldn’t. Therefore he tried to evade the question as best as possible.

“They were kids from Wammy’s house, but way after my time. According to Watari, they were also both candidates to become my successor.”

L reckoned that this was what Light also already knew, therefore it was safe to share it.

“Have you met them?”

“No,” L lied with his usual emotionless expression.

“Watari did not want me to meet the kids, because I was supposed to choose my successor myself. He feared that I would get influenced if I ever met them in person, because I was supposed to make my choice based only on valid data and not on personality traits or sympathy.”

This seemed to be a plausible enough explanation for Light and he let go of the topic.

“My sister got kidnapped by the Mafia, probably lead by Mello and they are asking for the Death Note in exchange.”

These news made L actually very much excited. The approach was a little straight forward, but still L had to applaud to Mello’s courage. Clearly this was not Near’s way of acting.

“I will have to go to America and aid the investigation on-site. I will also take Misa with me, because she might become useful. I’m sorry, but I won’t be around for quite some time. I can not risk it and take you with me. Of course someone will make sure that you will receive enough food. I don’t know how long it will take, before we will return.”

This made L’s stomach churn and he couldn’t quite pinpoint the reason. He was worried for the safety of Near and Mello, but at the same time he did not like the idea of Light being away from him for such a long time. Actually L started to question his own sanity, until Light raised his voice again.

“This damn Mello! He thinks he is so smart. Soon I will add his name to my collection,” Light promised with an evil grin plastered over his face.

In front of L’s eyes flashed a memory. A young boy with wild blonde hair, who gave him a big smile and handed him a chocolate bar. His carefree attitude had made L become soft and it had been exactly what L had needed during those very dark times he had lived through.

In this very moment L became painfully aware of the fact that he was reduced to an incapable bystander. He couldn’t give any clever advise, nor could he give Mello and Near a warning.

After his supposed death, all the data L had collected about the Kira case had been deleted and therefore both of the kids had had to start from scratch. With a bitter taste on his tongue L regretted that he had not made his findings available for them. Maybe back then he had not wanted them to get too involved in order to shield them from Kira’s attention.

However it was too late now and there was only so much that L could do. He looked at all his limited options and figured that there was only one way to steal Kira’s attention away from the kids.

“Why do you have to take Miss Amane with you?” L asked with a slight pout and it made Light look up at him in delight.

“Why? Are you jealous?”

L crossed his arms in front of himself and frowned, while his feet tapped nervously on the floor. He hated the thing he would have to do, but it was the only logic option. Slowly L walked over to Light and held out his hand. Surprise was written all over Light’s face and even while he took the detective’s hand his posture was guarded.

However the detective silently led Light into the bedroom and made Light sit down. Afterwards he placed himself on top of him and started to slowly remove Light’s red tie from his neck. Light followed his every movement, obviously getting more and more excited with every second.

When L started to unbutton Light’s shirt, the other stopped him and grabbed one of L’s hands.

“What are you doing?” Light asked, only his voice had become immensely unsteady.

“How does it look to you?” L gave back the question and continued what he had started until he finally pushed the shirt over Light’s shoulders and for a short moment L admired Light’s toned body in front of him. Afterwards L removed his own shirt, which made Light’s mouth part unbelievingly.

The black haired man took another deep breath to steady his nerves and then he leaned forwards once more and kissed Light’s lips fervently. Very much taken aback Light nearly fell backwards, however he managed to support his body with his hands pressed into the mattress. L gave this kiss his all, with the sole intention to make Light forget about everything else but him. The moment Light would go to America there should be nothing else left in his mind as the lingering taste on his lips and the need to go back to L as soon as possible to receive more from him. He wanted to make Light feel just the same way he had felt about Beyond.

Only the brunet soon pushed L back again. While both of them were out of breath with flushing cheeks, L couldn’t help but look irritated.

“Don’t you want…?” He started to ask, but then Light threw him off from his body until L was lying on his back. Then Light placed himself on top of him and leaned down again.

With reversed roles Light’s kiss was much softer and more slow as if he wanted to make this moment last longer.

L closed his eyes and just followed Light’s lead. For a second he allowed himself to stop all his worrying and just live in the moment. His destiny was sealed anyways, so this was the only weapon he could use.

Soon Light’s hands travelled over L’s chest and started to explore every inch of him. L followed his example and let his own hands run over Light’s back. However Light carefully took L’s hands and placed them above his head, advising him not to touch him yet.

With reluctance L followed the silent order and next Light started to kiss him on his chest. It were feathery soft kisses that Light distributed evenly as if he did not want to neglect a spot. L closed his eyes and took a deep breath, when Light licked over one of his nipples playfully.

Obviously Light enjoyed what he was doing and did the same lick once again.

“Hmm,” L sighed and pushed his hips upwards towards Light, who in return ground his crotch against L’s. The brunet soon pushed himself upwards again and hungrily he kissed down L’s neck. This was actually L’s soft spot and he tipped his head to the other side to give Light better access. While Light sucked at the delicate skin, his hands busied themselves with the zipper on L’s pants.

After he had managed to open the jeans, Light quickly inserted his hand and when he made contact with L’s erection, he could not hold back a pant of his own.

“L, you feel so good,” Light whispered huskily into the other’s ear, which made him gasp in happy anticipation. Carefully Light kept on stroking up and down L’s shaft, while at the same time he locked his lips once again with L’s, who hungrily followed his lead.

Forgetting about the fact, that L was supposed to not touch Light, he reached out and buried his hands in Light’s soft hair and pulled his body closer to his own. Light gave L’s tip a soft squeeze and then he removed his hand again. When Light sat up, he admired the sight in front of him. L was panting heavily and a cute blush had started to spread over his cheeks, while he looked at Light suggestively.

The brunet quickly got rid of his own pants and then he helped L to remove his jeans. Both of them took the time to bath in the sight of the other’s exposed body for a moment, before L made the first move and reached out for Light’s cock. For a moment L wondered why Light had not stopped him, but then he realized that Light’s hand was once more encircling him. They soon used both the same rhythm, while they kept on stroking each other. L could not help, but become enticed by the sight in front of him. The way Light’s lips had started to part and his face became more and more flustered. But before they both would reach their climax, Light pulled back and pushed L into the mattress again.

“I know you think I have no idea about this, but I did some research,” Light whispered and let his hand innocently travel over L’s butt.

“Light-kun is very considerate,” L praised half mockingly, while Light leaned over to the night-stand and fetched some lubricant from it. He squeezed some of it into his hands and rubbed them against each other in order to warm the liquid up. L watched him and when Light spread the lube over his entrance his head tipped backwards into the cushion.

L had to give the other some credit for the fact that he was indeed quite careful and thorough. First Light entered only one digit in order to prepare L and the detective could see, that Light was as nervous as he was aroused. Since L was used to it, he did not resist the second finger that got inserted and he encouraged Light to begin in earnest, when he moaned out loudly.

“Light-kun, please,” he pleaded, which made Light nearly loose his mind. He put more lube on his own length and then he positioned himself in front of L’s entrance.

A little hesitant Light looked at L questioningly as if he was asking for permission. L couldn’t help but feel a little touched by the gesture and he gave the slightest nod.

Without further ado Light then pushed inside and the feeling seemed to overwhelm him. He stopped and toppled over, his face resting on L’s chest.

“L, this...this is everything I ever wanted,” he panted and then as if something had started to possess him, he thrust in with more force.

L didn’t mind the sudden impact. He could not deny that he was a little enjoying himself too, but at the same time he needed to make sure that Light would be completely smitten by his act.

“Yes Light,” he moaned indecently and Light thrust in and out again several times.

“Oh god, this feels so much better than Misa,” Light praised with his eyes closed. By all means this was not what L wanted to hear, but he let the comment slide.

“Harder Light, fuck me harder,” L invited the other, who did as he was told and hastened his speed.

Suddenly Light grabbed one of L’s legs and pushed it upwards, so that Light had a better angle to plunge in. At the same time Light hit home and L was seeing stars.

“Fuck!” He cursed, but maybe he had also meant it as a command. L could not tell where up and down was, he only needed more of this feeling that started to build up inside him. Light hit L’s prostate once more and L could not hold back anymore. His cum shot out against Light’s stomach and this seemed to turn on Light even more. He relentlessly dived into L with breakneck speed until he too finally reached his climax. After Light had found his breath again he slowly pulled out of L and his body fell onto the spot next to L completely spent.

After they had both showered together and cleaned each other up, Light was holding L inside his arms and they lay together listening to nothing but each other’s heartbeat, until L dared to speak up again.

“Why does Light-kun care for me?”

Light laughed and nuzzled L’s hair.

“What a stupid question! That’s like asking me why I breathe.”

For a moment Light hugged L more tightly and only when L was sure that he wouldn’t add anything else, Light continued.

“I think you would understand it best, how it is to be the best at something. It’s a very lonely position. But then there was you. It was such a rush to play hide and seek with you. All those battles of the minds, it left me sleepless for so many nights! And oh, how I wanted to win! How I wanted to see you drop dead inside my arms...only in the end I couldn’t.”

Light chuckled and kissed L’s neck affectionately from behind.

“My plan was perfect, but I simply did not want this game to end. It seems I had become addicted to you. I simply need you by my side, consequence be damned!”

It sounded like a pretty love confession, only that L knew from experience that love and obsession were very much different from each other. If Light really loved him, he would not keep him as a hostage. Somehow it made L sad on a completely different level. It was so easy to fall for Light and wrap oneself up in his sugary words, but it would never cover up the fact that Light was a murderer and a rather vicious one as well.

“L, together we could achieve so much more. We are both geniuses and only we understand how it feels to be superior to everyone else. I’m asking for so little, can’t you give me a chance?”

If the situation wouldn’t be as grave as it was, L would have loved to laugh out loud, but he instead turned around and looked Light deep into his eyes.

“Will you give up the Death Note for me?” L asked once more with a serious expression, only this time there was immediately anger flaring up inside Light’s eyes.

“No, of course not!” He snapped and L turned back to lay on his back, staring at the ceiling.

“Then you know my answer to your question.”


	11. Back at Wammy’s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time we travel into the past and last chapter that is fluffy and sorta happy, before things are going down...
> 
> As always thanks for any kudos, comments, thoughts, whatever you would like to give :)

L had not known how much time had passed already when Watari found him after Beyond had left him behind. L still remembered that back then he had hoped to die, because the pain inside his chest had been much worse than the pain from the cuts that Beyond had inflicted upon him. There had been no tears left inside L and he lost all his will to live.

The old man immediately called an ambulance and he covered L in blankets and held him tight against his chest.

Both of them did not speak a word and L was immensely grateful for the fact that Watari was not asking any questions.

On his way to the hospital L had finally slipped into unconsciousness and he was probably on the verge of life and death, but for L it hadn’t mattered.

When he opened his eyes again and regained consciousness, the first thing that hit him was the smell of sanitizer. He blinked a few times and it took his eyes some time to adjust to the light, but then he realized that he was lying inside a bed at the hospital. On the other side of the room was Watari, who had fallen asleep in a rather awkward position opposite his bed.

Except for a drip, he was not connected to any other machines, but L could feel the bandages that were tightly wrapped around his chest.

Immediately the memories came back crashing on L and the tears started to roll down. He bit the inside of his cheeks and looked up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath. He wondered if Beyond had felt just as terrible as he did now or if he had never loved him to begin with.

In the end it probably didn’t matter. L was sure that he would never see him again and therefore he needed to figure out his own feelings.

But for now L didn’t want to think about anything, because it just hurt too fucking much. He closed his eyes again and hoped that he would find some sleep, but sleep never came.

The next morning after the doctors had assured Watari that L was in a stable condition both left the hospital again.

Watari was driving him inside a luxurious car and L rested his forehead against the window while he watched the sceneries outside pass him. Watari had still not asked him anything and they exchanged only the most necessary words like if L was hungry, thirsty or if he needed some painkillers. However L only shook his head. Although his back was hurting like hell, he felt that he deserved feeling the pain. This was actually a real form of pain and subdued the one coming right from his heart.

They took a plane and once again L was sitting inside a car. They drove together through the countryside until L suddenly realized that the area became more and more familiar.

Watari was driving him back to Wammy’s house. L reckoned that this was most likely the best place for L to stay at. He had a lot of fond memories connected to the place and he could take a break and maybe find back to his old self.

They arrived in the middle of the night and Watari took a detour, so that they would not arrive in front of the building but rather through a hidden entrance.

L didn’t mind it either way, because he was sure that none of the kids would know who he was. He had never shown his face in public and except for Watari and Beyond no one else knew his appearance. Not even a single photo of him existed throughout the whole world.

Anyways L appreciated the thought. Even if the kids did not know who he was, they would still be asking questions, because they were exceedingly bright and curious to learn more.

Watari had prepared a room for L in an entire separate wing of the old villa. L was not yet allowed to move freely again, because of the risk that the cuts could tear open. He had to lie down the whole day. Watari brought him food, books and whatever L would have asked him for, only L did not ask for anything. Most of the time he stared through his large window outside into the garden. Soon L had lost a great amount of weight and every time Watari visited him his expression became more and more worried.

Actually L did not like to worry the old man, however up until now L had not found a way to pick up the strands of his old life.

During one night however, after Watari had removed the untouched plates of food, L suddenly heard footsteps in front of his door. They were only very light and at first he thought that he must have imagined it, however shortly after, there was a soft knock on his door.

This made L actually very curious, but before he could reply the door was opened and a boy with curly white hair peeked inside the room, wearing nothing but a large pyjama. L couldn’t help but smile at the boy in front of him, who looked terribly innocent.

“Hello, you are?” L tilted his head with a friendly expression on his face.

The boy seemed to be a little shocked and made a step backwards and hid behind the door once more.

“I...I am Near,” he stuttered, “sorry I did not want to intrude.”

L felt a little puzzled as to why a child should appear in the middle of the night in front of his door, therefore he figured Near had had a reason behind his actions.

“Did you come here to see me or not?” L asked with a playful tone in his voice.

Near made a step forward again and closed the door behind him. He then made a few steps forward and crouched down on the floor in front of L’s bed.

“I heard that the great detective L was here,” Near didn’t look directly at L, but instead he played with a strand of his hair, “and I though it was a joke.”

“And, am I a joke?” L raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“I don’t think so,” Near answered truthfully. Only then did L discover that Near had also brought a stuffed bear with him, which he now pressed against his chest, while he looked at L with bright eyes.

“What happened to you?” Near finally asked and L couldn’t help but sigh.

“I was very stupid,” L replied, keeping his story short.

“Considering that your IQ is way past 250, I don’t think you were stupid, but maybe only reckless.”

This made L laugh out loud and it felt as if a very heavy burden was slowly dropping from his chest.

“You seem to be very clever yourself, Near. I remember that Watari mentioned you already.”

“He did?” Near’s eyes sparkled with interest.

“Yes, he said you are most likely to become the new L.”

Near’s cheeks started to burn and he hid behind his stuffed animal. Just when Near wanted to say something else, there was suddenly someone starting to scream.

“What is HE doing here?!”

L’s gaze turned towards the door once more, where two other boys were standing. One of them, a good looking blond boy, was holding up an accusing finger and pointed at Near. Behind him was another boy hiding in the shadows, who it seemed had been dragged along by the hot-headed blond one.

Near rolled his eyes and did not reply.

The boy at the door walked inside the room without any invitation, while he pulled the other boy with him, who wasn’t interested in the scene in front of him at all, since he was playing a mobile game on his phone.

“This was a top secret information that I received straight from Matt. How is it you already knew?!”

Near couldn’t bear it anymore and turned around.

“Mello! Don’t act like a child in front of L!”

This hit home and Mello’s face lost all his colour and for the first time he acknowledge L’s presence, who was eyeing him curiously.

“So, Near, Mello and Matt, nice to meet you,” L nodded into their direction and the three of them gave a curt bow.

Then Mello walked over to L and held out a chocolate bar, where one corner had already been bitten off.

“I brought you some chocolate since I heard you like to eat sweets just like I do. However I prefer chocolate over anything else.” Mello explained and L accepted the present.

“Thank you Mello. I really love sweets.”

L looked at the chocolate bar in his hands and then back at the expectant expression on Mello’s face who seemed to have stopped breathing in anticipation.

The detective nearly burst out laughing, but instead he slowly held up the chocolate to his mouth and took a bite. While he savoured the flavour, his body was celebrating the sudden intake of food and his stomach immediately asked for more.

“It’s very good,” L praised and Mello’s smile was so brought it seemed to hurt. He turned around towards his friend Matt.

“I told you he would like this brand. It’s my favourite, too!”

“L, could you tell us a little about some of your biggest cases and how you solved them?” Near suddenly asked and this time even Matt looked up with interest.

Put under such a pressure, L’s heart nearly melted and he nodded.

“Yeah sure, which case do you want to hear more about?”

While L told them some stories from his past Near remained sitting on the ground with his teddy in his arms, Mello was sitting cross-legged on L’s bed and Matt was slouching in a chair across the room.

All three of them clung to his every word and every now and then they asked some additional questions, which L would gladly answer.

Way after midnight it was Watari who had to usher the kids back into their beds, but L was sure that it had been the old man in the first place that had arranged for the kids to crash inside his room.

Afterwards L’s condition improved with every passing day. The three kids were constant visitors, but at the same time they had promised L and Watari that they would take his secret to their graves and would not tell anyone that they had ever met L in person.

L soon had taken the three kids into his heart and the troubles of the past seemed to be long forgotten. For the first time L was able to breathe freely again and he could feel how his brain craved for new cases to solve.

Although he loved all three of the kids dearly, L felt most connected to Near. Maybe it was because he saw a younger version of himself in him. But Near also seemed quite smitten by the detective. He stayed inside his room from early morning until late at night and he was also very attentive and would make sure that there was nothing missing for L’s well-being. Near had even left his favourite teddy by L’s side and told L that it would keep him company at night and drive away the nightmares.

L wondered how the kid could possibly know about all the horrors that kept on hunting L during his sleep. Anyways he was grateful for the gesture.

Mello kept on rearing Near with his devotion, but Near only shrugged it off. Actually Mello would have stayed inside L’s room just as long as Near, if it wasn’t for Matt who continuously dragged him back to their lessons.

L would probably have stayed some time longer at Wammy’s, if it wasn’t for a strange case of murder in LA. Watari had brought L’s attention to the case in the hope of sparking L’s interest in his former job again. Only what Watari didn’t know was that L immediately recognized the style in which the murder had happened and it broke his heart all over again. It was more than obvious to him, that Beyond was behind it and that he meant to catch L’s attention again.

Against his better judgement L accepted the job and soon he was about to leave Wammy’s house again. Watari was also accompanying him and the old man prepared everything for their travel. L suspected it was because Watari wanted to keep a close eye on L in case he would have some kind of relapse.

Before L left he said goodbye to Near, Mello and Matt. While Mello and Matt were excited about the fact that L would soon proof himself again as the worlds greatest detective, Near seemed to be very much upset.

L had visited him inside his room and he was about to return the teddy back to him.

“Here, I won’t need it anymore.”

Although Near rarely showed any kind of emotion, this time he snorted in disbelief.

“As if,” he said and pushed the bear back into L’s arms, who was a little taken aback.

“I know what happened between you and Beyond. He told me himself through mail,” Near avoided L’s gaze before he continued, “probably because he wanted to make me jealous.”

L’s heart started racing the moment he heard Beyond’s name and he felt the world around him was starting to spin.

However he was drawn back into the moment by Near, who had sprung forward and was embracing him.

“I’m sorry L. I know I am too young, but I also know that these feelings are real. I loved you even before I met you. I know you don’t feel the same and that’s ok, but I’m not sorry for feeling that way.”

The heart inside L’s chest calmed down again and he affectionately patted Near’s soft white hair.

“But I do love you, only not the way you want me to. You know, I’m quite broken and I might not be able to ever love again.”

Near nodded and let go off L.

“Goodbye L.”

“See you soon.”


	12. World in pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are slowly getting to the end and I would like to point out that all tags are here for a reason.  
> I wanted to write a dark fic and I feel so very bad for L ;__; I'm so sorry for hurting him like this. 
> 
> Thanks for any kudos, comment, feedback whatever :D!
> 
> ****  
> !!Trigger Warning!!  
> Rape, Abuse

L would have lost track of the time since Light had left, if it wasn’t for the tally chart he had started from the first day on. The first week without Light had been rather carefree. The moment L was sure of the fact that there would indeed be someone checking on him regularly his heart felt less troubled. He could live with his name getting written into the Death Note, but he would feel miserable if he had to die starving.

After nearly one month however L started to get anxious and against his better judgement he checked the TV news every day to either hear about the death of Kira or about other news regarding any killing in the USA.

Only there was nothing reported about anything that was of interest for L. He wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or not, it just fuelled his anxiety to a degree that he chose voluntarily to take regular naps, because only when he was asleep he would stop to worry. Of course he would still get hunted by nightmares during his sleep, but it felt easier for him to deal with those as with the constant uncertainty.

When two month had passed the whole flat was plastered with pictures that L had drawn. More often than L had wanted it to, he had drawn Beyond, only to afterwards tear the paper into a thousand pieces. Sometimes he also tried to draw Light, but those pictures ended up with him adding some devil horns on Light’s head.

During the third month L had started to question why he was actually still clinging to his miserable life, but he could not give up, before he knew what had actually happened to Light, Mello and Near.

In the end L had indeed stopped to keep track of the days, because it had made him depressed and when one evening the door finally opened again, L felt a million emotions at once. Although he would never have admitted it out loud, he felt actually glad that Light had come back to him.

However the moment he saw Light’s face, he knew that something bad must have happened. He wanted to ask about it, but L bit his tongue. Given the fact that he hadn’t spoken to anyone in months beside to himself, he didn’t even trust his voice anymore.

Light gave L a brief glance, but walked past him towards the large windows. He tossed his jacket on the couch and only stared outside for a very long time.

L had never felt so insignificant during these minutes and he had a mind to scream at Light in order to force him to give at least some kind of reaction.

While L was still debating his course of action, Light suddenly turned around and his eyes fixed L’s. Immediately L realized that Light was not in a good mood at all and L quickly kept his guard up.

“What happened?” L finally asked.

Light tilted his head, his eyes only slits.

“My father got killed.”

“Oh,” L whispered. Actually he had rather liked Light’s father. He had been a good person, unlike his son, “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” Light challenged and made a few steps towards the former detective. L gave him a puzzled look.

“You want to know how he died? He was killed by Mello! That little brat! If only my father would have written his name a little faster into the Death Note, but no! Probably feeling pity or something! Mello didn’t feel pity at all when he blew up the whole building!”

L’s heart skipped several beats and he reached out and held Light by his shoulders, shaking him heavily.

“Did he die? Did Mello die?” L’s voice sounded desperate and his eyes were full of terror.

Light got more than irritated about L’s behaviour and he pushed him backwards.

“Who cares if he died? If he did I hope it was an exceptionally painful death. It’s what that little freak deserves!”

Something inside L snapped.

“Take that back!” L screamed and without realizing it, he had slapped Light’s face. As if time stood still both of them were frozen to the spot. Light was holding his face with one hand, his expression hidden under his hair, while L immediately regretted his action and he pulled his arm back.

He was just about to apologize, when Light lashed out and pushed him backwards. The sheer force made L lose his balance and he fell backwards onto the ground. When his head hit the ground it made a sickening sound and it took L a moment before the world came back into focus for him. Only it was too late for him to stop Light who was now towering over him and who started to slowly remove his tie from his neck.

“So defiant L. I offered you my love and you are kicking it with your feet.”

L meant to lift himself up from the ground, but he was still too dizzy from the impact of the fall.

The next thing L felt was that Light grabbed both of his hands and held his arms above his head, until he finally tied both hands together with the fabric of his tie.

“Light,” L called out, only that the other man had decided to ignore him. Light held on to the tie and with this he started to pull L over the floor towards the bedroom.

L helplessly tried to resist only Light was much stronger and L was unceremoniously dragged over the floor of the living room.

“Light! Stop it! I’m sorry! Light!!”

With every passing second L became more aware of the situation he was in right now and he needed to find a way to get out of it. However for once his brilliant mind failed him.

Light finally lifted L up from the floor and threw him onto the mattress. Like a fish L tried to get off the bed again, but Light had quickly reached out and was now tying the fabric that was already cutting into L’s wrist, onto the headboard above L’s head.

When their eyes met L saw a wicked grin on Light’s lips and he was very much reminded of the face Light had shown him when L had thought that he was going to die. Even now this look send shivers down L’s spine and his eyes became large and unbelieving. Once more he tried to plead with Light.

“Light, I’m sorry! Really! I had just been so lonely without you! I didn’t know my place.”

For a second L believed that his words had struck a nerve, but then Light slapped his face.

“Right, you don’t know your place. But I will show you.”

Light’s voice had dropped to a degree that it would freeze water. With horror L saw that Light was starting to undress himself. Afterwards he slowly crawled over to L and one hand grabbed his chin and forcefully held his face upwards, so that L would not be able to dodge the kiss.

Light laughed evilly when he pulled back and L started coughing from the lack of oxygen. Next Light pulled down L’s pants and shoved his shirt upwards. Slowly Light kissed down L’s chest until he took L’s length into his mouth and L gasped out in shock.

He did not want this to happen and he tried to stay as focused as he could, but the way Light kept on licking up and down his shaft his body had soon betrayed him.

Light chuckled against L’s tip and took him once again deep into his throat. Besides the ugly red streak that Light’s hand had left on L’s cheek, by now his entire face was flushed in red and L hated every bit of it.

Light took up his pace and although L was already starting to bite off his own tongue, he couldn’t hold back any longer and he moaned out loudly.

It seemed that Light had only waited for this to happen and he immediate stopped the penetration, which left L even more flustered.

“L, L, you don’t have to hold back. I already know that you like it rough.”

L had half a mind to spit at Light, but given the circumstances he reckoned it was better to not rile the other up anymore. Therefore he buried his dignity once and for all and gave Light the thing that he craved the most.

“Light-kun, ah, I need more.”

Light’s eyes lit up with curiosity.

“Really? Well, then you’ll have to earn it.”

Light crawled over and positioned himself in a way that his erection was placed right in front of L’s mouth.

The smile on Light’s face was reason enough for L to feel nauseous, but he closed his eyes and went along. He opened his mouth and let Light mouth-fuck him to his hearts content.

After a while Light finally pulled out again and saliva run down L’s lips and down his throat.

The brunet patted L’s head.

“Good boy, then you shall have your reward.”

The tie around L’s wrist was giving Light enough range to turn L around. Since L’s arms had started to feel numb a long time ago he was grateful for the change of position, if it wasn’t for the fact that Light was positioning himself in front of L’s entrance.

At least Light had the noble air to use some spit before he would plunge himself into L. Light spit a few times on his own hand and started to coat L’s entrance with it. Afterwards he let one finger slide inside, while the other hand started to stroke over L’s length again.

It was no use, but L gasped out and buried his head into the cushion. With a muffled voice he called out to Light.

“Fuck me Light!”

“Oh sorry,” Light said mockingly, “I didn’t quite catch that.”

L turned his head to the side and between his panting he managed to press the words out.

“Fuck me Kira-sama!”

Of course these words worked like a charm and Light didn’t wait one second longer before he pushed his hard erection inside L.

L pressed his head once again into the cushion in order to scream unheard insults at Light. He hated Light so much and he hoped that either Mello, given that he was still alive, or Near would avenge L, if he was ever allowed to die.

Light was too occupied with himself to recognize L’s inner turmoil and probably he wasn’t even interested in the other’s feelings to begin with.

He clawed his nails into L’s butt and recklessly pumped in and out, until he had finally reached his climax. With a grunt he toppled over and L only felt Light’s unsteady, hot breath against his skin.

Above anything else L craved a shower right now and he begged to all gods in heaven and hell that Light would finally release him.

After Light had regained his composure again, he untied L’s wrists and L allowed his shaking legs to relax, which made him drop to the side. The feeling of still warm cum, that was running down his thighs made him scowl.

Light also let himself fall backwards next to L, seemingly happy with the outcome of the situation. After several minutes L felt composed enough to be able to stand up again and he shifted his weight on the mattress to lift himself back up. His actions did not escape Light, who eyed him suspiciously and grabbed his wrist.

“Where are you going?”

“Shower,” L replied as monotonously as he could muster. The brunet nodded and finally let go of L.

L checked his face in the mirror of the bathroom. His left cheek was still swollen, but it matched the overall impression of a broken man. L’s wrists were also bruised from the tie and they were hurting like hell the moment L made contact with the warm water from the shower.

For a minute he allowed himself to just listen to his own breathing. He felt anxious, that Light might come into the bathroom any moment, but the longer he waited, the more he relaxed. Obviously Light have had enough fun for one night.

The course the events had taken were far from anything that L had expected and he had to admit that whatever he did, he could not beat Kira and for the first time he wished with all his heart, that he would have died together with Watari.

Suddenly a memory came back into L’s mind and he heard Beyond’s voice from far away.

“ _Do you want to know when you die?”_

B had asked him back then with a serious expression on his face and L had replied to him, that he wasn’t interested in it, because it wouldn’t make a difference for him. Afterwards Beyond had completely lost it and told him that he would think differently, if he knew when his loved ones were going to die. That L would certainly change his behaviour, if he knew that the other was about to die soon. “Don’t tell me this wouldn’t change a thing!” B had practically screamed at him, until L had wrapped his arms around him and cooed into his ear, how lucky they were that it was impossible to know such a thing.

In hindsight L wondered, if Beyond might have known something that L had not. Would Light change his behaviour, if L was going to die?

Would L?

Of course L had forgotten to bring some clothes with him into the bathroom, therefore he had to pass Light in order to get to the wardrobe.

The brunet looked up from his position on the bed and grinned at him in a suggestive way. L rolled his eyes as soon as he had turned his back on him.

While L was grabbing the next best boxers, he suddenly heard Light’s voice calling over to him.

“You know L, seeing your scars again, that reminds me of something.”

As if Light hadn’t tortured him enough for one night, he had the audacity to mention his scars once more.

L took several deep breaths and pulled a long sleeved shirt over his head. Light did not wait for him to reappear from the wardrobe and happily continued to speak.

“I was curious and looked up the BB murder case in LA.”

Whatever Light was about to say next, L did not want to hear it. Clearly Light was about to say something that was intended to hurt L, therefore L slowly walked back into the room with an indifferent expression and sat down on the bed again.

“That Naomi Misora chick was pretty clever, but Beyond Birthday was nearly brilliant.”

L listened without giving his feelings away.

“I think I figured out why Beyond had been dating you. He studied you. He studied your every move, every trick, every quirk. He became the perfect evil copy of you. In order to become the worlds greatest criminal he needed to study his only worthy opponent. Hahahah,” Light chuckled heartily.

“I can’t believe that you fell for this. No wonder that you keep this a secret.”

By the time Light had finished his little speech, L was seething with rage. Of course he had figured this out himself a long time ago, only that this truth had been even more hurtful to him.

L’s eyes narrowed, when he gave Light a look that could have killed.

“I figured out something about you, too.”

Light felt the challenge in L’s words and raised his chin.

“You don’t say. What could that be?”

“It wasn’t Mello who killed your father. You deliberately sacrificed his life for your own advantage.”


	13. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annd here we are, so close to the end already.  
> Thanks for everyone who made it this far and sticked to the story :D always happy to hear from you.  
> ****  
> !Trigger Warning!  
> Thoughts of suicide

L didn’t regret his words. He didn’t even regret it, when Kira took away his pens and the notebooks, he didn’t regret it when the bookshelves were removed and he also did not regret it, when the food inside the fridge had become completely sugar free.

There was not much left for L in this world anyways. During daytime he mostly slept the time away and at night Light would continue to have his way with him.

Sometimes L encountered Misa and although he expected her to act up, since he had become Light’s favourite toy, it was rather the other way around. Her expression became more troubled with every passing day.

When L wasn’t asleep he sometimes wondered what he was actually still doing in this world and what purpose it served that he was alive.

If it was only to entertain Kira, than L could gladly give it a miss. The more L thought about it, the more he liked the idea. If there was one way in which he could vex Light, than by killing himself.

Of course Light might have foreseen these thoughts and there were not much options to begin with. In the kitchen was not a single sharp knife, nor were there any electronic devices like a hair dryer. Drowning himself inside the shower was also not effective. This left only one thing which was the death by hanging. L had seen it several times in crimes scenes, people had managed to strangle themselves with a towel around the doorknob.

Soon L’s mind was settled on this and with a childish anticipation he waited for the time, when he would finally be alone inside the apartment again.

But the next day Light did not leave. With complete bewilderment L was barely able to hold back asking for the reason. Maybe Light had a day off once in a while as well and would prefer to play with his toy. L could wait. There was still the next day.

Only the next day, Light still did not show any signs of getting ready for work. He happily sat on the couch and sipped his coffee.

“Won’t you go to work today? I’m sure there are plenty of people you need to send to hell.” L asked.

“As much as I appreciate your concern for my work I can assure you that other’s will take care of this. Today I will only take care of you.”

L glared at Light and turned on his heels to go back into the bedroom, so he would not have to look at Light any longer.

In the afternoon Misa once again showed up and Light and her would chat with each other with hushed voices. L who did not want to interrupt their intimate moment preferred to stay inside the bedroom anyways.

Overall Light’s behaviour had become more than worrisome. He hadn’t touched L for several days and now he would not leave him out of sight for a very long time.

On the third day L suspected that Light actually knew. He knew that L had planned to commit suicide and that Light didn’t leave, because he wanted to prevent this from happening.

How could Light possibly know? How was Light always a step ahead of him?

L snapped. He sprung from the bed and with lightning speed he was back inside the living room, where Light was just standing in front of the window, admiring the view.

“YOU!” L screamed. “You bastard!!” L pushed Light back against the glass with as much force as he could muster and afterwards he buried his hands into the fabric of Light’s shirt.

“You don’t allow me to live and you don’t allow me to die either! What the hell do you think you are? A god?!?”

Light did not reply, but he also did not fight back, which riled L even more and he started hitting the other’s chest over and over again.

“GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK!! GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK! Give it back!!...give it back….just, give it back…”

With each punch L’s rage subsided more and more until L’s head leaned against Light’s chest and he was helplessly sobbing tears of built-up frustration.

Light put his arms around L’s trembling body and started to sooth him.

“Shh, shh L. It’s going to be all right. I’m here for you.”

Soon L’s bitter sobs became less frequent and Light patted L’s black hair affectionately.

“If you stop crying I will tell you a secret. What do you say?”

Actually L had enough of Light’s secrets, but he nodded his head anyways. Light took his hands and let him to the couch, where he made him sit down so that Light could embrace him from behind.

“Have you heard about the term ‘shinigami eyes’?”

This was something that made L feel something he had not felt for a very long time.

“No,” L shook his head.

“Of course not. If you own a Death Note you have the option to make a deal with the shinigami. For half of your remaining lifespan you will receive the ability to see a person’s name and his lifespan as soon as you see their faces.”

This was a revelation that would have made L fall to the ground, only right now he was held up by Light. So many things clicked into place and became finally clear. During the time he had chased after Kira he had always felt like there was one piece missing and now finally he knew what it had been.

“Did Light-kun make the deal?” L asked, although he was pretty sure he knew the answer and he was proofed right, when Light started to laugh.

“Of course not! But Misa did, actually she already did it twice, so who knows how long she still has to live by now. That’s why I made her look after you, so that she would be able to inform me as soon as she would realize your lifespan changing. And for the last few days, there seemed to be only one day left.”

And this was another unsolved mystery that finally made sense. So this was the reason why Light kept Miss Amane close, even if he despised her.

L went silent again and thought about the words until suddenly an idea hit him and he became agitated as he hadn’t been for a very long time. The detective turned around and he looked even a little desperate, when he spoke up again.

“Can I ask Ryuk something?”

Light’s eyebrows shot upwards, not sure what to make of the sudden change in mood.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Where does he stand?” L asked and Light pointed into the direction for him.

“Mister Ryuk, god, can a person have shinigami eyes even without a Death Note?”

There followed a long silence, until Light translated it for L.

“He says it’s possible, but very rare. A shinigami can gift his eyes to a human during birth. Therefore the person would be able to see names and lifespans throughout his whole life. And in addition since they are part shinigami, they might also have a few traits of them, like a special connection towards death.”

L’s eyes went wide, which puzzled Light even more. Still Light seemed to be as interested into the topic as L was.

After L had given it some thought he looked at the invisible Ryuk once more.

“So you say that if a person possesses shinigami eyes from birth on, it would be more likely that they would kill?”

Since L could not see Ryuk’s nod, Light answered the question instead.

“He says yes.”

“And what will happen to the eyes if a person dies?”

Light listened to Ryuk and then repeated his words.

“If the shinigami does not come to pick them up again, Ryuk reckons they would still be there, but he is not entirely sure.”

By now L’s expression had changed from utter despair to the happiness of a child on Christmas eve.

“If I tell Ryuk where he could go looking for them, would it be possible for him to go and check?”

The brunet was very much amused by this strange request.

“Ryuk, what do you say? Do you feel like going?”

L didn’t know what Ryuk had answered, therefore he kept his eyes fixed on Light.

“He can go and find them, however I will only send him to do so, if you promise me, not to try and kill yourself anymore.”

“Ok,” L answered straight away, but Light shook his head.

“Not good enough. You need to swear it!”

“I swear it!” L answered without thinking it over and obviously this had been enough to convince Kira.

“Good, then where should Ryuk go looking for the eyes?”

“Evergreen Cemetery, Boyle Heights, LA.”

“See you later, Ryuk,” Light nodded to the god, that L could not see and then both men went silent again.

“Will you tell me what’s this about?” Light finally asked.

“No,” L shook his head. He was sure that Light had it figured out already, since he seemed to have read the BB murder case files, too.

Although L hadn’t often checked on Beyond’s condition after his imprisonment, he had still made sure that he received the best treatment considering his circumstances. L had never dared to go and visit Beyond. Most likely B would not have wanted to see him anyways. Therefore this had been the only way for L to interact with him, even without him knowing.

However when L had heard that Beyond had died, he arranged everything in his power, that Beyond would receive his own place on a graveyard. Only this way L had been able to say goodbye to him.

If only B would have told him about the shinigami eyes earlier. It hurt L that Beyond had suffered so much and L hadn’t been able to support him.

After what felt like an eternity Light looked up again as if someone had entered the living room.

“You found something?” He inquired and then he held out his hand.

Two red pearls fell into his palm and Light eagerly held them up to the light and inspected them.

“Is it possible to use them?”

After hearing Ryuk’s answer Light closed his palm and held the two red orbs inside.

“Pity, well then,” Light took L’s hand and put the pearls inside.

“Keep it.”

“What?” L looked up at the other in bewilderment.

“Don’t give me that look. They are useless for me, but if they mean something to you then why not?”

L didn’t want to feel touched by the gesture, but he just couldn’t help it at this very moment and he smiled earnestly at Light, while he held the shinigami eyes close to his heart.

The next day Light waited for Misa to check in and only when she confirmed that L’s lifespan had changed back to his normal time, there seemed to fall a burden from his chest.

There was also a little bag that Misa handed over to Light and he gladly took it from her. Then he immediately send her off again without another glance. L, who saw Misa’s expression before the door was slapped into her face, could tell that Miss Amane was not happy to receive such a treatment.

Light then walked over to L and gave him the little sachet.

“Open it,” he encouraged and sat next to L on the couch. L eyed the present a little warily but opened it anyways. Inside was a necklace made from leather with an attached pendant, where L could store the two red pearls.

Receiving so much attention made L feel rather uncomfortable and his throat felt constricted when he tried to say something to Light.

“Thank you,” he managed to stutter and Light took the necklace from him and helped him to put the pearls inside. Afterwards he fastened it around L’s neck.

L felt very much reminded of a wedding ceremony, only with a necklace instead of rings and it made him feel even more uncomfortable.

“See L, I do care for you, if you only let me. I can be very gentle, just don’t fight me anymore.”

Light’s words were only a soft whisper against L’s skin. If only this words were true, L thought to himself. But when Light took his chin into his hand and tilted it upwards in order to kiss him, L gave in and let Light lead him to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit for a very long time I was not sure if adding the shinigami eyes from B would be too much, but after I read it again I think it's quite important for several things at once. That Light actually allows L to keep them says a lot about his feelings and in addition it gives L some kind of mental support.


	14. Endgame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so final chapter...
> 
> ***  
> !Warning!  
> Just to be clear, there is no happyend. So if you expect something else, you should rather not continue to read.

For a very long time L did just as Light would tell him. He didn’t fight him, nor did he try to kill himself. During daytime, when Light was not at home, he would crouch inside the armchair and his hand would twirl the necklace around his neck. Somehow it was giving him a sense of belonging, that Kira could not. L knew that he would somehow be able to live through this hell and then he would be free, either by death or whatever else would happen to him in case that Kira got finally killed.

L didn’t feel like he had given up, only that he needed the right opportunity for his next move.

And soon enough the days of tranquilly found a harsh end.

One evening, when Kira returned from his work, he was in an exceptionally good mood. The moment he spotted L he pulled him into an embrace and gave him a long kiss.

“It’s nearly there! The time that Kira will rise upon the entire world is just within my reach!”

Light declared happily. However instead of happiness L only felt dread.

“What happened?”

“Very soon I will eliminate the only person that stands between me and world domination!”

L’s throat suddenly became very dry and his hands clawed into Light’s shirt.

“Who are you talking about?”

“Near of course! The head of the SPK.”

L’s eyes widened in shock, but he tried to keep his voice steady.

“What are you planning?”

Light was too preoccupied by his thoughts of victory, that he did not catch the tremor in L’s voice.

“We arranged a meeting for tomorrow. He thinks he will be able to convict me, only he is very much mistaken. In the end I will be able to kill the whole SPK at one go and since the nuisance Mello and his incompetent friend Matt are dead already, there will be no one to oppose me.”

L’s hands let go of Light’s shirt and his arms hung lifeless from his sides.

Mello and Matt were dead? He couldn’t believe it. Those two innocent boys...who would dare to lay a finger on them? And Near was going to be next?

Black dots started to appear in front of L’s eyes and he nearly toppled over, being close to a panic attack. His kids were dead and Kira killed them!

He took a sharp breath and he only saw red. With as much force as he could muster he swung his hand upwards and hit Light at his temple.

The brunet fell to the side, while he held up his hand to his face. When he removed his fingers once more, there was blood on it. With a shocked expression Kira looked from his fingers to L and back again.

“YOU KILLED THEM! YOU FUCKING BASTARD DESERVE TO DIE!!!”

With one jump L was on Kira again and bombarded him with punches. Very soon L heard the door get kicked open and three or four security men came storming inside and tried to get a hold of the raging L. He had managed to place a few very good additional hits on Light’s face and for the first time in ages, L felt a sense of justice.

When Light slowly stood up from the floor again his expression was cold.

“Ryuk? If I should die tomorrow, I want you to write down L’s name right next to mine, ok?”

Afterwards Light turned on his heel and left L behind. The moment the door clicked into the lock behind Light the security men started to give L the punishment he had earned by injuring their god.

When L awoke he could feel pain all over his body. He was lying on the ground and it was dark around him. Slowly his eyes adjusted and he realized that he was on the floor of the living room and it had become night already. When the guards had started to beat him up, he must have passed out at some point of time. With a grunt L pushed himself upwards, but immediately regretted it. Last time he had felt so much pain had been when Beyond had engraved his name into his skin. But it wasn’t only the physical pain that was torturing L, but also the knowledge about the fact that he would never see Mello, nor Matt again and maybe Near would be next. If that was going to happen, then there was no way out for L anymore. He would become Light’s servant for the rest of his life.

Panting heavily L managed to drag himself to the bathroom, where he tried as best as he could to tend to his wounds.

When he became light-headed again, he quickly walked over to the bedroom and fell into the bed. Eventually he closed his eyes and he begged to whatever force was ruling over his fate to make Kira lose.

The following day L could not stop to feel anxious. He wondered what would happen to him, if Kira would die. If someone would find him by accident locked up into this tower or if he would at one point just starve to death. Then again L remembered that Light had asked Ryuk to write L’s name as well as Light’s if his time had come to die.

So either way L would die. The prospect had also something calming to it, only that L feared the most for Near. L would gladly give his own life, if it meant to save Near’s. For good or for worse, Near was the sole reason that L was alive. If it hadn’t been for this boy visiting him back then at Wammy’s after L had lost all his will to go on, he would probably not be here.

The only comfort L had was the fact that he knew for sure that Near was a clever kid. If someone was able to trick Kira, then it was him.

The hours ticked by and nothing happened. There was not even Misa checking on him and this made L feel even more sick inside.

When night came once more L wasn’t sure how to feel anymore. If Kira had died, then he should be dead too. Maybe Kira had lost interest in L after his last outburst and would let him rot in here?

Way after midnight L was still sitting motionlessly on the bed, his thumb on his lips, waiting. He allowed himself to think once more of Beyond and about his feelings towards the other in comparison to his feelings for Light. Instinct told L, that he hated Light, but after all this time with no one around but Light, it was difficult for L to make an unbiased assessment.

Suddenly there was a sound coming from the living room as if someone had opened the door.

L’s heart became heavy in his chest and he held his breath. So this was it, he thought. Light had won and Near was dead. He wanted to scream out in pain and he couldn’t stop the tears that started to flow down his cheeks.

However when a shock of white hair appeared at the door L couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Near?” He croaked hoarsely.

The young man dared to come closer to L and he sat down on the floor in front of him, just like he had done back all these years at Wammy’s.

“L, it’s over. Kira is dead.”

It took a moment before the words finally sunk in. L’s eyes nearly fell out of the socket’s and his lips opened as if he was about to say something, but then instead he started to laugh.

He laughed so hard that his entity body was shacking and the tears continued to roll down his cheeks, but L did not stop.

“He’s dead!!! He’s dead!” L cheered with a grimace. Somehow L did not know how he should feel. He was finally rid of him and he was free again. Only that this victory somehow felt more like a loss. L shook his head and his laughter turned into helpless sobs and he broke down on the mattress. Only a moment later L felt a soft touch on his back and a kind voice was speaking to him.

“I’m here L. I’m here for you. You are not alone.”

L had no idea for how long Near had been holding him in his arms, but L didn’t fight it. Actually he was glad that it was Near.

Afterwards Near brought L back to Wammy’s house, which at the time was completely deserted. After Roger had received the message that Watari and L had died, he had decided to close down Wammy’s and send all the children off to other places, in case that Kira would come and look for them.

It made L’s chest feel even more heavy. This huge building was nothing without the laughter of children.

Near quickly picked up on L’s thoughts, while they walked through the large corridors side by side.

“Watari bequested you Wammy’s and all the funds connected to it. However since you supposedly died at the same time, there was no one who could access the accounts since then.”

L turned to the young man next to him and he tapped his lips lost deep in thought.

“I think I would like to re-open Wammy’s house. Maybe not only for gifted children, but for as many children as possible. I can’t be a detective anymore. I failed on so many levels, it’s ridiculous. But I would like to do something good, something with purpose. Not hunting criminals and playing justice.”

As if Near had expected this he nodded in agreement.

“Watari would be very proud of you, I hope you know that L,” Near gave the older man a kind smile.

After some time they arrived inside the room that once had been Watari’s office. L walked to the bookshelve and he pulled out one particular book. Soon a hidden door was swinging open and Near followed L into the next chamber.

There was a lot of technical equipment, several screens and laptops. L however sat down at the huge study desk and opened the laptop in front of him. He had to do a fingerprint and an iris scan before the laptop granted him access.

“Welcome L,” an artificial voice greeted him.

The former detective quickly checked all the information presented to him and then he closed the device again and looked at Near.

“So I will take Wammy’s. Will you continue your career as the best detective the world has ever seen?”

Near, who wasn’t used to getting praised and especially not by L, blushed and hid his hands behind his back while his eyes looked down at the floor.

“I don’t know yet.”

“That’s ok. But please don’t think you have to stay here only for my sake. I would love to support you just like Watari once did for me. The world needs someone like you.”

Near gave L a timid smile, before he once again averted his gaze.

“There is one other thing I need to ask you,” L’s voice became more serious, which made Near look up again.

“Is Light’s Death Note still in your possession?”

The young man nodded silently.

“I need to speak to the shinigami.”

Either Near already had foreseen this or he had not dared to give the Death Note out of his hands, but he instantly pulled out the book from under his baggy shirt.

“Here,” he held the book out for L, who hesitated.

“Put it on the desk, please. Would you mind leaving me alone for a minute?”

Near did not question L’s request and quickly left the room and closed the door behind him.

For quite some time L stared at the black book in front of him. So many people had died only because of it’s simple existence. The book itself was shear evil, but nevertheless there was one question L had to ask.

He reached out for the Death Note and the second his finger made contact with it, the shinigami Ryuk appeared in front of him.

“Hello Ryuk,” L nodded, not the slightest surprised by the other’s looks.

“Hello L,” the shinigami greeted him a little awkwardly.

“I think you already know, what I’m going to ask. Why am I still alive?”

The god cackled happily for a while, before he fixed L with a wide grin.

“Light was not my master, it was rather the other way around. If I felt like it and I deemed it interesting enough, I may have done what he asked me to do, but I don’t usually follow orders. You know L, I think Light’s face was priceless when I showed him in the last moment before he died, that I had not written down your name!”

Once again Ryuk laughed evilly and a cold shiver run down L’s spine. He had not the heart to imagine Light’s expression during his death and the way Ryuk felt entertained by this, made L sick. He had to lean onto the desk for some support. Actually L was glad that he had not been with Light, when he died. Probably L would have tried to save him or something as absurd. Still, he had not visited Light’s grave, nor had he any intentions of doing so in the future. L knew that he would have to face this topic at one point in his life, but he did not have the energy right now. He missed Light and he hated himself for it.

“So you saved me only because it was fun?”

“Not quite,” the god became serious again and pointed at the necklace around L’s neck that held the two red shinigami eyes.

“Also because of that. Technically it makes you partly shinigami. And the rules say a shinigami can not kill another shinigami. Either a human must write your name into the Death Note, or you die the way human’s die.”

This answer was sufficient enough for L.

“Farewell,” L said and took the notebook with him when he left room.

Together with Near, they made a fire in the garden and threw both Death Notes into the flames. They ignored Ryuk’s screams of protest and soon his voice had vanished. Near took L’s hand and only when the fire had died down completely without a trace of any of the books left, L was finally able to feel free again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I hope you liked the story, although the end is kind of sad....but I don't think they could ever end up in a happy kind of healthy relationship anyways. At least not in this story and it was never meant to be a happy one.
> 
> Thanks for erveyone staying until the end and for any kudo/comment!


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